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How to have a fearless financial life

Few people are completely rational when it comes to money. Most of us don’t create and follow a budget or save something every paycheck, though we think we should. We know we need a financial plan, but somehow it doesn’t happen. We often spend too much money because it’s more fun to buy a higher-priced item today than to put the money in savings and wait twenty years to reap the rewards. Often we spend too little because we feel guilty. And sometimes our behavior with money brings on uncomfortable feelings.

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Many of us have a complex relationship with money. We make decisions about money that impact our financial situation, and those impacts in turn affect our feelings and future behaviors. And it’s a relationship that evolves over a lifetime.

Here are three key things to know about our relationship with money:

  • Emotion plays a huge role.
  • Anxiety and avoidance create a vicious cycle.
  • Our family dynamics and past experiences affect our behavior.

Emotion and money

The emotions you connect to money, including fear, envy, shame and guilt, tend to drive your actions.

What’s there to be afraid of? You might be afraid of looking foolish, for example, when it’s your turn to pick up the check and you’re short on cash. Perhaps you’re afraid that you’ll never have as much money as the people you see on TikTok and Instagram. If you’re making more money than your friends, you might be worried that they secretly envy and resent you. Or you might fear being exposed or humiliated if you experience a sudden drop in income.

Shame is one of the most common and powerful emotions associated with money and personal finance. It’s one of the main reasons people avoid doing what they know they should. 

Here are just some of the possible versions of shameful feelings related to money:

  • I don’t have enough money.
  • I’ve avoided thinking about finances.
  • I’ve avoided doing what I’m supposed to do about finances (creating a safety net, planning for retirement, sensible budgeting).
  • I’m really ignorant about all of this.
  • I spend too much.
  • I buy stuff when I’m unhappy.

Shame interacts with avoidance to create a vicious cycle. When you’re filled with shame, the natural tendency is to avoid facing whatever is making you uncomfortable. That avoidance itself leads to additional shame and more avoidance. Next thing you know, your taxes are overdue, and it’s six years since you decided to finally make an appointment to see a financial planner – and it still hasn’t happened.

People who avoid tackling financial necessities often label themselves procrastinators and assume they’re just lazy or undisciplined. That’s not helpful. The fact is, we’re hardwired to try to avoid things that make us feel anxious or uncomfortable. The tricky thing is that in the very short run, avoidance works to reduce anxiety. Because it works, you’re inclined to do it again in the same circumstance.

The vicious cycle of anxiety and avoidance

Here’s how it unfolds. You’re thinking about sitting down, taking a hard look at your financial situation and creating a realistic financial plan. But just thinking about it increases your anxiety, because you’re afraid you won’t be able to face the reality that, for example, you have nowhere near enough saved for your kids’ education. That anxiety leads to avoidance. You postpone the task and distract yourself. At that moment, your anxiety level immediately drops, giving you positive reinforcement for avoidance.

You repeat this cycle over and over. But each immediate drop in anxiety doesn’t quite bring you back to the previous baseline level of distress. And over time, your overall level of anxiety increases and increases.

So, what happens when you confront this unpleasant task? As you face the facts, your anxiety temporarily increases. If you stay with it, however, the overall level of anxiety will steadily decline. You have to tolerate that short-term increase in distress to benefit from the long-term decrease in anxiety. In the end, the lesson is that reality makes a better friend than avoidance.

Other emotions that come into play with money include envy, greed, over excitement and a social-psychological phenomenon known as “jumping on the bandwagon.” Some of these are more relevant in the realm of professional investing as opposed to personal finance.

Family and childhood influences never end

Every family has its own particular psychology of money. What can be talked about, who should be in control, what money responsibilities are assigned to what gender, how important money is or isn’t.

Additionally, there are always stories about money that are part of a family’s identity. Maybe a serial entrepreneur grandfather lost the family fortune, prompting later generations to be very conservative with money.

You may have experienced subtle pressures to right the wrongs experienced by previous generations. Or you may feel internal pressure to oppose the family money mentality. If you’re the first in your family to succeed, you might want to give back to the rest of the family and neglect your own financial needs.

How to harness money emotions

Emotion isn’t all bad. It tells you what you’re passionate about, what really matters to you. It makes you feel alive. Anxiety isn’t all bad either. A little anxiety can motivate you to make much-needed changes that improve your situation. Harness it to tackle what you need to face and know that you’ll feel better when you’ve done so.

The key is self-awareness. Much of our emotional world is unconscious. But it’s not that hard to access. You just need to know what to look for and have a blueprint for the kinds of emotions and family stories that can influence your personal relationship with money.

Source: Forbes. The psychology of money: what you need to know to have a (relatively) fearless financial life.

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Recipes

Healthy recipe

HEALTHY RECIPE

Ham & Swiss muffin tin frittatas

These mini frittatas are great for meal planning. Cook them on a Sunday and eat them all week long. They’re bursting with meaty, cheesy goodness. To make prep quicker and easier, pick up pre-sliced mushrooms and (if your store has it) pre-shredded light Swiss cheese. And “sauté” the mushrooms in the microwave to both speed up prep and simplify cleanup – no skillet to wash by hand, just a bowl to toss in the dishwasher.

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Ingredients: 9
Prep Time: 10 min | Cook Time: 25 min
Serves 12
Photo of ham & Swiss frittatas cooked in a muffin tin
Ingredients

Cooking spray

8 oz. fresh mushrooms, sliced

9 large eggs

¼ cup 1% low-fat milk

½ teaspoon kosher salt

¼ teaspoon black pepper

4 oz. diced cooked ham

3 oz. shredded light Swiss cheese

⅓ cup chopped uncooked scallions

Instructions
Step 1

Preheat the oven to 350°F.

Coat a 12-cup muffin pan with cooking spray.

Place the mushrooms in a medium microwave-safe bowl; cover and microwave on high until tender, 2 to 3 minutes. Drain and cool slightly.

Step 2

In a large bowl, whisk together the eggs, milk, salt and pepper until well blended. Stir in the ham, cheese, scallions and mushrooms.

Step 3

Divide the mixture evenly among the prepared muffin cups, about ⅓ cup each.

Bake until set, 18 to 20 minutes.

Nutrition

Serving size: 1 frittata | Calories: 89 | Total fat: 5 g | Saturated fat: 1.5 g | Sodium: 226 mg | Total carbohydrates: 2 g | Fiber: 0.5 g | Protein: 9 g

Source: WeightWatchers

All Costco employees age 18+ get an exclusive discount off the retail price and can join now for as low as $14 per month. Spouses/domestic partners and dependents can sign up for as low as $19.50 per month. Sign up at WW.com/Costco.

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The most important thing in communication is hearing what isn’t said.

Peter Drucker, author

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The emotional side of disaster

Hurricanes, earthquakes, train derailments, mass shootings, wildfires, you name it. Disasters lead the nightly news and leave a wake of destruction. But sometimes the emotional stress they cause lasts far longer and can result in greater harm than the more immediate financial and physical damages do.

If you’ve experienced a disaster and still feel the emotional impact, there are actions you can take to feel better. Understanding your responses to upsetting events can help you cope with your feelings, thoughts and behaviors, and help you on the path to recovery.

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After a disaster, your emotional well-being needs care

Remember that:

  • It’s normal to feel anxious about your own safety and that of your family and close friends.
  • Profound sadness, grief and anger are normal reactions to an abnormal event.
  • Acknowledging your feelings helps you recover.
  • Focusing on your strengths and abilities helps you heal.
  • Accepting help from community programs and resources is healthy.
  • Everyone has different needs and ways of coping. It’s common to want to strike back at people who have caused great pain.

Find ways to ease disaster-related stress

Here are some actions you can take:

  • Reach out to Resources For Living® (RFL®)* for in-the-moment and ongoing emotional support for personal issues, 24/7. Remember you have six free counseling sessions that can help you deal with post-disaster stress and other mental health concerns you may experience after a traumatic event in your community.
  • Talk with someone you trust about your feelings of anger, sorrow and other emotions — even though it may be difficult.
  • Don’t hold yourself responsible for the disastrous event or be frustrated if you feel you can’t help directly in the rescue work.
  • Take steps to promote your own physical and emotional healing by eating a healthy diet, getting plenty of sleep, exercising, relaxing and meditating.
  • Try to maintain a normal family and daily routine, and limit demanding responsibilities for yourself and your family.
  • If there are memorials, participate in them.
  • Turn to your support groups of family, friends and religious institutions.
  • Ensure that you’re ready for future emergencies by restocking your disaster supplies kits and updating your family disaster plan. Taking these positive actions can be comforting.

Your top concern after a disaster should be your own health and that of your family. To feel in control of your life and situation, limit your media exposure and keep your routines consistent. Also seek professional help for yourself and/or loved ones who are suffering emotionally and physically.

Disasters don’t happen often, but they do happen. Fortunately, there are people and organizations you can turn to for help.

Source: Resources For Living. Coping with disaster.

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TAKE ACTION

5 ways to reduce mental health stigma

Taking control of your mental health is no easy task. The stigma surrounding mental health can be so deeply ingrained in us that we may believe we aren’t allowed to be depressed, anxious or sad. But these feelings are part of the human experience, and we must make room for them.

Being connected to our emotions has the power to positively impact every aspect of our lives. Getting honest with ourselves about the state of our mental health can improve our relationships, and it can help us lead healthier and more fulfilling lives.

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How can you help reduce the stigma around mental health?

number 1

Talk openly about mental health.

Share your stories about your own mental health challenges. This helps to fight the stigma and normalizes those experiences.

number 2

Watch your words.

Be careful how you talk about mental health issues. Don’t use negative words like “crazy” or “insane” in casual conversation.

number 3

Understand that mental health is just as important as physical health.

Recognize that using medication or therapy to manage anxiety or depression is the same as using medication or doctor visits to treat a physical health condition.

number 4

Reach out for support.

Don’t be shy about getting mental health support when you need it. Work with a therapist or coach. Use a mental health app to journal or track your moods. Schedule your favorite self-care activity.

number 5

Seek out accurate mental health information.

Find dependable resources to debunk mental health myths. Follow organizations like the National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI) or Mental Health America.

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“My AbleTo* therapist really listened to me and helped me figure out how to move forward. She helped me look at things differently and ask different questions than I had been. And when I was able to see things differently, I was able to react to my problems more constructively, really get myself unstuck and lower my anxiety greatly.”

— Costco employee

*AbleTo is not available in Puerto Rico.

Source: AbleTo. 5 ways to reduce mental health stigma.

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Learn the basics

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LEARN THE BASICS

How to find affordable therapy

When searching for a counselor or therapist, it’s easy to become discouraged by the choices, costs and lack of availability. Out-of-pocket therapy typically costs anywhere from $100 to $200, with higher costs in more expensive urban areas.

You may be tempted to end the hunt and find other ways to cope with life’s challenges. And while lifestyle changes, such as getting enough sleep and regular exercise, can be enormously beneficial for your mental health, meeting regularly with a mental health professional can be an invaluable resource.

But don’t give up on connecting with a counselor before taking a closer look at what’s available — some of it for free — through your Costco benefits.

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Make Resources For Living your first stop

Costco is committed to the well-being of employees and their dependents. Resources For Living® (RFL®) is just one example of that commitment. RFL, Costco’s employee assistance program (EAP), gives you access to a wide range of mental health support services as well as assistance in finding the resources that best meet your needs. And it’s free to you, your household members and your dependent children up to age 26, whether or not you’re covered by a Costco medical plan.

Find support every step of the way

The front door to RFL services and support is your RFL Care Partner. They are your single point of contact throughout your mental health journey. Not only can they help you understand your benefits, they can also guide you through your options, help create a plan and connect you to care that meets your preferences.

For example, if you’d prefer a therapist who bills on a sliding scale (based on your ability to pay), offers evening hours and is your same gender and ethnicity, your Care Partner will do the leg work for you and find an in-network provider who is accepting new patients and checks all those boxes.

They will also refer you to resources in your community and connect you with the many work-life support services that are available through Resources for Living.

Care Partners are available 24/7:

  • Connect with a Care Partner by calling 833-721-2320 (TTY: 711)
  • Visit RFL to access Live Chat

Take advantage of six free counseling sessions

Through Costco, you and every member of your household have access to six free counseling sessions, with in-person, televideo and chat options. You decide what works best for you. Counselors can help you with such issues as:

  • Relationship support
  • Stress management
  • Work/life balance
  • Family issues
  • Grief and loss
  • Depression
  • Anxiety
  • Substance misuse
  • Self-esteem and personal development

All RFL counselors are qualified mental health professionals. But, if for any reason you’d prefer to talk to a different counselor, just contact RFL and they’ll help you get scheduled with someone else.

Explore other RFL mental health resources

RFL also provides the following mental health resources.

  • Talkspace offers virtual therapy for teens 13+ and adults. Send text messages to your therapist via web browser or the Talkspace mobile app. Your therapist will typically respond once per day, five days per week. You also have the option to meet with your therapist online for 30-minute televideo sessions. Each meeting counts as one of your free sessions. If you are enrolled in an Aetna Medical plan, you can continue to access Talkspace services after you’ve completed your free sessions, with a $15 copay.
  • Digital self-paced support: Access to evidence-based support tools to help manage depression, anxiety, work/life balance, stress, substance misuse and more.

Get mental health support through your Costco medical plan

If you’re enrolled in a Costco medical plan, mental health benefits are covered through your plan, including counseling and substance-misuse treatment. If you want to continue counseling after your six free sessions, you can continue with your therapist under your Costco medical plan, with deductible and co-pays. Your Care Partner can also help you find another in-network therapist, if that’s your preference.

Before you pay out of pocket for therapy, turn to your Costco medical plan for local therapists who are in your network. You can find a counselor, therapist or psychiatrist, just as you would any medical provider, by going to Costcobenefits.com and clicking Find a Provider under What if I. You can even narrow your search by specialty, such as anxiety disorders, child specialist, marriage/family focus and many more. You’ll pay the same copay for a therapist that you would for a medical doctor.

Money got you stressed?

Americans say money is their number one stressor. To learn how to deal with money stress and improve your financial management skills, visit SmartDollar and create your free account. Key word: costco.

Source: Resources For Living

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TAKE ACTION

Video: The brain-changing benefits of exercise | TED

You know that feeling you get after a brisk half-hour walk? Suddenly, you’re full of energy, cheerful and ready to handle the tasks that seemed overwhelming minutes before. That feeling of emotional well-being is not your imagination. It’s the measurable result of changes in your brain you put in motion when you put your shoes on and walked out the door.

In her 13-minute TED Talk, neuroscientist Dr. Wendy Suzuki explores the powerful effects of exercise on your mood, brain function and long-term brain health.

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Source: TED Ideas worth spreading. The brain-changing benefits of exercise.

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Recipes

Healthy recipe

HEALTHY RECIPE

Egg and Canadian bacon breakfast sandwiches

Meaty pork, rich avocado, juicy tomato and those protein powerhouses in a shell — eggs — make this one substantial breakfast sandwich. Roll up the sandwich fillings in a tortilla for a breakfast wrap, or lose the Canadian bacon to make this vegetarian.

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Ingredients: 7
Prep Time: 17 min | Cook Time: 7 min | Total Time: 24 min
Makes 4 servings
Egg and Canadian bacon breakfast sandwich
Ingredients:

1½ teaspoons canola oil

2 ounces (4 slices) uncooked Canadian bacon

4 light, whole wheat hamburger buns

3 large eggs

4 large egg whites

1 medium, thinly sliced, uncooked scallion

½ teaspoon salt

¼ teaspoon black pepper

½ medium halved, pitted and peeled California (Hass) avocado, cut into 8 slices

1 large plum tomato cut into 8 slices

Directions:
Step 1

Heat 1 teaspoon of oil in large, heavy, nonstick skillet over medium-high heat. Add bacon and cook, turning, until lightly browned, 1 ½ to 2 minutes. Place 1 slice of bacon on bottom of each bun. Keep warm.

Step 2

Remove skillet from heat; add remaining 1/2 teaspoon oil. Beat eggs, egg whites, scallion, salt, and pepper in medium bowl until blended; pour into skillet. Cook over medium heat until eggs begin to set, about 1 1/2 minutes, pushing egg mixture toward center of skillet to form large, soft curds; continue cooking until eggs are just set, about 3 minutes longer.

Step 3

Place one-fourth of eggs on top of each slice of bacon. Top with 2 avocado slices and 2 tomato slices; cover with tops of buns.

Nutrition

Serving size: 1 sandwich | Calories: 228  | Total fat: 10g | Saturated fat: 2g| Sodium: 690mg | Total carbohydrates: 21g | Fiber: 8g | Protein: 16g

Lose weight deliciously with WeightWatchers

With the WeightWatchers program and award-winning app, you can lose weight, eat healthier, move more and develop a more positive mindset.

All Costco employees age 18+ get an exclusive discount off the retail price and can join now for as low as $14 per month. Spouses/domestic partners and dependents can sign up for as low as $19.50 per month. Sign up at WW.com/Costco.

Source: WeightWatchers

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Don’t let your struggle become your identity.

Anonymous

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Learn the basics

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LEARN THE BASICS

Video: 5 ways to create financial stability

How do you get out of debt, stretch your paycheck, grow your savings, and prepare for retirement and other big-ticket life expenses? The smartest move you can make is to get started now with some practical guidelines from this short video.

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When it comes to financial stability, the earlier you get there, the better off you’ll be in the long run. But you won’t have to do it alone. Your Costco benefits can help. They offer information that can help you develop healthy financial habits and ways to help you build your nest egg. For more information, check out the “Resources for you” section below.

Source: Healthwise. 5 ways to create financial stability.