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Do’s and don’ts of making friends

Friends are a big part of feeling happy and supported in life for both kids and adults. For kids especially, having friends can improve their quality of life and how well they do at school. Friendships can also help them adjust to changes more easily.1 Talk with your kids about how to be a good friend — and how to recognize who is a good friend.

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A good friend:2

  • Listens: They care about what you have to say or want to do.
  • Supports: They’re there for you when you’re sad or having a hard time.
  • Respects: They treat you kindly and don’t try to hurt your feelings.
  • Shares interests: You have fun together and like the same things.

Here are signs someone isn’t a good friend:

  • It feels one-sided: They don’t think about what you like to do or how you feel.
  • They make you feel bad: If they put you down or treat you differently around certain people, it’s a red flag.
  • They’re mean or bossy: A good friend won’t be unkind or controlling.

How to set boundaries:

Boundaries help protect what you are and aren’t comfortable with. Here are some tips:

  • Say no: It’s okay to say no to things that make you uncomfortable.
  • Speak up: If someone hurts your feelings, tell them.
  • Choose your friends wisely: Spend time with people who make you feel good about yourself.

Tips for parents:

  • Talk openly: Have regular conversations about friendships and feelings.
  • Model good behavior: Show how to be a good friend by being one yourself.
  • Encourage self-reflection: Help your child be aware of what they like and don’t like in a friend.

Are you or your kids having a hard time?

Some phases of life aren’t easy for us or our kids. It could be an adjustment to a new job or school year. Or maybe navigating tough dynamics with a co-worker or friend. Lean into your benefits for help to get through it. See below for resources that support making friends and healthy relationships.

1Exchange Family Center. The benefits of early childhood friendships and 3 tips for helping your child establish meaningful friendships.
2Cleveland Clinic. Social skills 101: How to help your child make friends.

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Video: Women and mental health

When you have a cold or a sprained wrist, do you rest? What about when you feel anxious, burnt out or stressed?

It’s OK to not be OK. Taking care of your mental well-being isn’t a sign of weakness, but of strength. Whether that means going to therapy, taking time for yourself, or doing something you enjoy, it can help build resilience.

Find out what women wish all other women knew about mental health by watching this video. Costco offers many different emotional support resources. Learn more in the Resources section at the bottom of this article. You’ll find even more in the new Women’s Health Guide. Watch for the Men’s Health Guide, coming in June.

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Busy moms who juggle work, life and family may forget to check in with themselves. And they may feel like they’re responsible for making sure everyone else is OK.

Watch this video to see how you can avoid burnout to help improve mental health. 

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NEW Incentives for dental cleanings and the Aetna Maternity Program

Did you know that regular dental care can improve cancer outcomes?

Or that it can lower your chance of early delivery during pregnancy?

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The mouth-body connection 

It’s a fact that the health of your teeth and gums has an impact on the rest of you. This makes your regular dental exams and cleanings especially important.

Regular dental cleanings:

  • Prevent tooth decay and gum disease
  • Catch dental concerns early when treatment is easier and less costly

Since medical issues can show their first signs in the mouth, preventive dental care can have an even bigger impact on your health. Regular dental cleanings can help spot:

  • Infections, injuries and some cancers
  • Immune disorders and osteoporosis
  • Eating disorders and malnutrition

Dental care can also:

  • Cut your risk of heart disease
  • Lower your risk of a stroke
  • Help control your blood sugar
  • Help lower your risk of rheumatoid arthritis
  • Reduce your risk of early delivery during pregnancy

Find a dentist and schedule a cleaning 

If it’s been more than six months since your last dental cleaning, schedule your next dental visit today. Don’t have a dentist? Visit Costcobenefits.com and click “Find a Provider” under Health & Wellness > Dental to find an in-network dentist. 

Your Costco benefits make it easy to keep your smile (and body) healthy, providing two free cleanings and exams each year when you use an in-network dentist.

NEW Dental incentive with Aetna Dental

Dental incentive: For mainland employees enrolled in the Aetna medical and dental plan, now there are even more benefits for getting your regular dental cleanings.

  • Earn a $50 credit toward your annual medical deductible or coinsurance when you and your dependents get at least one annual dental cleaning. You and each of your enrolled dependents are eligible to earn the credit.

Maternity health programs

Get help and support on your pregnancy journey

Whether you’re expecting or just starting to plan a family, get to know the programs available for help and support. 

Mainland

NEW Maternity incentive: Earn up to a $400 credit toward your annual medical deductible or coinsurance when you or your spouse/domestic partner enroll and engage in the Aetna Maternity Program during and after your pregnancy. There is no cost for this program.

The Aetna Maternity Program lets you talk with specialty trained nurses about things such as prenatal care, newborn care and much more. You’ll also get:

  • Extra support for a high-risk pregnancy
  • Help to quit tobacco
  • Information on your plan’s lactation support and breast pump benefits
  • Information for dads and partners
  • Online resources at the Maternity Support Center

To get started, call 855-282-6344 (TTY: 711) or log in at Aetna.com/Maternity. 

Puerto Rico

If you’re enrolled in the Triple-S medical plan, you have free access to SSS Contigo Mamá, an educational program that supports pregnant moms throughout pregnancy and up to six months postpartum.

The program offers:

  • Virtual workshops on prenatal care, childbirth and breastfeeding
  • Telephone counseling with a clinician

To get started, visit SSSPR.com, email contigomama@SSSPR.com, or call 787-706-2552 or 800-981-3241

Hawaii

If you’re enrolled in the HMSA medical plan, you have free access to the HMSA Pregnancy and Postpartum Support Program. To help you have a healthy pregnancy, this program pairs you with your own maternity nurse who’ll provide personalized education and counseling over the phone.

You’ll receive:

  • Support from a maternity nurse as a complement to the care you receive from your ob/gyn
  • Referrals to trustworthy resources and services
  • Help with your doctor’s instructions and answers to questions about care
  • Additional postpartum support during the first six months after delivery

Log in to HMSA.com/pregnancysupport or call 855-329-5461 to get started.

Costco medical plans do not cover charges related to a dependent child’s pregnancy, including labor and delivery, except services that qualify as preventive services under the Affordable Care Act.

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Know where to go for care for you and your family

When a life is in danger, there’s no question that the emergency room (ER) is the place to go. But there are plenty of times when you just need quick care for something that’s not life-threatening. And sometimes it’s hard to know the difference. Get help knowing where to go for care when you need it from your Costco benefits. 

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Your choices for care

The difference in time and money spent between going to the ER versus seeking care with other options can be dramatic. The average wait time for an ER visit can be 3 or more hours. Additionally, ER visits require: $150 copay + your deductible to be satisfied ($250-$550) + your coinsurance (10-20%). You have more convenient – and lower cost – options for care. Get to know your options, and keep them in your contacts for when you need care in a hurry.

When it’s a true emergency, call 911 or go to the nearest emergency room. True emergencies are always covered under your plan, even if the ER is out of network.  

When you need non-emergency care, you have more convenient options. To find in-network primary care providers, urgent care centers and walk-in clinics, visit Costcobenefits.com and click “Find a Doctor” under Health & Wellness. Or call your Aetna Health Concierge* at 800-814-3543 (TTY: 711). 

Not sure if it’s an emergency? To talk with a nurse any time, call the 24-Hour Nurse Line* at 800-556-1555 (TTY: 711). You can also try 98point6®** text-based care, 24/7, at home or on the go. Visit 98point6/Costco** or download the app so you’re ready when you need care.

Click here to print and post for easy access.*

*Available to mainland employees only.
**Not available in Puerto Rico. 

Sources:
UC Davis Health. Should you go to the emergency room (ER), urgent care or doctor’s office?

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What is your “why”?

Life involves making choices about what you do and how you do it. This affects the work you do, how you relate to others and your plans for the future. That’s why it’s important to know your “why” — the motivation, cause or belief that drives you toward your goals.

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Why your why matters

Studies have shown that when you discover your why, you can improve all aspects of your well-being. You may feel more physically, emotionally and financially healthy, resulting in better relationships and stronger social well-being. In fact, people with a clear why, or sense of purpose, tend to exercise more1, sleep better, have less stress and report greater relationship satisfaction2

Not only can your why help improve your life, it can also improve the lives of others. Your why keeps you going when things get tough. It can help you be a more supportive coworker, a more caring provider for your family and a more engaged citizen in your community. Your why touches every corner of your life and, by extension, every person in it.

Finding your why

It’s often easier to identify your why with some help. Get guidance and support with six free counseling sessions from Resources for Living (RFL). Call RFL and work with a Care Partner to find a therapist that fits your needs, or use the new Alma online search tool to explore an expanded network of therapists. Browse the availability of therapists accepting new patients and filter by your preferences, including in-person or virtual, language or ethnicity, specialties and more. You can also use Alma to schedule as many free 15-minute consultations as you need to find the therapist that’s right for you.

3 steps to your why

Whether working with a therapist or on your own, these suggestions may help you get closer to defining your why.

number 1

Ask yourself questions to find your why.

Here are some examples to get you started:

  • What are your passions or core values?
  • Who do you want to help most in life?
  • What impact do you want to leave on the world?
  • What problem do you want to solve for?
number 2

Be kind to yourself.

Don’t judge your answers, no matter what. The kinder you are to yourself, the more honest you can be about what matters to you.

number 3

Write it down.

As you hone your why, write a short, simple statement that sums it up. It can be larger in scope or smaller and more focused. Feel free to write as many statements as you need to until one feels right. You can use this format to help you focus on what’s important:
“To ____ so that ____”

Here are some examples to get you started:

  • To prioritize my family so that they can be healthy, happy and comfortable
  • To seek new experiences so that I make the most of every moment
  • To pursue my art so that I bring beauty and inspiration to others
  • To serve my community so that I can make a difference in people’s lives
  • To stay positive so that I can be a source of hope for others

You might find that your why becomes clear right away, or you might not. Discovering and living out your why is a life-long pursuit and it can change along the way. But knowing your why is worth the effort in its positive effect on your health, happiness and sense of belonging.

1Psychology Today. How creating a sense of purpose can impact your mental health.
2National Library of Medicine. Correlated change in sense of purpose and romantic relationship quality. 

Sources:
Psychology Today. Ten powerful benefits of living with purpose.
LinkedIn. Knowing your why is the secret to success.
Masterclass. What is your why? 7 tips to finding your purpose. 

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How and why to take a social media break

The average person spends 2 hours and 23 minutes per day on social media.1 What could you do if you got that time back?

While quitting social media for good may not be an option, taking a break can make a difference in your health and happiness. This is especially true for teens and tweens, whose social media habit can lead to things like sleep deprivation and a negative self-image.

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What a social media break can do for you

Research suggests that although social media can be useful, it can also increase stress, anxiety, depression and even make you feel lonelier.2 By taking time off, you can gain:  

  • More opportunities to connect with friends and family 
  • Better mood 
  • Higher self-esteem 
  • A deeper sense of gratitude 
  • More relaxation and contentment 

Try grabbing a coffee with a friend, digging into a good book or taking a walk in nature. Then notice the difference it makes.

How to get started

There are no set rules on taking a social media break. You may simply limit your time to 15 minutes a day. Or opt to tune out completely for two weeks or more. Once you’ve figured out what you’re going to do, you may want to announce your plan online if you think people might worry about your absence or just to make it feel more real.

Here are a few quotes people have used with their social media break announcements that might inspire you. 

If you find taking a break more difficult than you originally thought, reach out to Resources for Living for counseling and digital resources to help you manage your social media time. Be patient with yourself and allow some backsliding now and then. Your efforts will pay off in the long run.

1Soax. What is the average time spent on social media each day?
2Harvard Summer School. Need a break from social media? Here’s why you should — and how to do it.  

Sources:
The Tiny Life. How to take a 14-day social media break — A practical guide to reclaiming your time with social media detoxing.
Cleveland Clinic. When (and how) to take a social media break 

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The science of gratitude

Gratitude may be the best-kept secret to reduce stress and help you feel better. Its benefits include improved physical health, higher self-esteem, better sleep and stronger social connections. And it doesn’t take a lot of work. Here are a few ways you can get started on a gratitude practice today.

  • Write down one thing you’re thankful for each day
  • Say thank you or write a thank you note
  • Visualize people, pets and things you’re grateful for
  • Take a “gratitude walk” and appreciate the space around you

Check out this 2-minute video to learn more about the science behind gratitude and how you can get more into your life. You can also check out the digital resources available from Resources for Living and AbleTo* to improve your emotional health.

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*Not available in Puerto Rico.

Sources:
Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. Gratitude works.
Tremendousness. What is the science behind gratitude?
Resources for Living. Practicing gratitude — why it helps and how to do it

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The superpowers of ADHD

NOTE: With more than 14,000 Costco employees or their family members diagnosed with attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD), many of us are familiar with the struggles of ADHD. Being easily distracted, forgetful or fidgety are just a few. The condition can be challenging for kids, teens and adults, and may look different for everyone. But did you know that ADHD often comes with superpowers?

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ADHD is not the same for everyone

ADHD is a variety of symptoms that can be grouped into two main types:

ADHD in males

Males are three times more likely to be diagnosed with ADHD than females, often because the combined type symptoms are more visible at school, at home or at work.

ADHD in females

Women may go undiagnosed for decades as their symptoms may be less noticeable. Girls with ADHD are often good at masking or flying under the radar by hiding their condition.

ADHD superpowers

In a recent employee podcast, Costco Director of Employee Benefits Celeste Parker spoke about her family’s challenges with ADHD and anxiety, as well as the “superpowers” she sees in her son, who was diagnosed with ADHD.

Here are some of the many strengths and talents that can be found in those with ADHD: 

  • Lots of energy: Enthusiasm for life can bring drive, motivation and lots of activities to enjoy. This extra energy can also help kids with ADHD excel at sports, which can be a source of pride for them.
  • Strong problem-solving skills: Most kids with ADHD are very good at thinking on their feet. 
  • Creative thinking: Thinking outside the box means different ideas and perspectives that can lead to innovative solutions.  
  • Ability to zone in and focus: Hyperfocus is a state of intense concentration, which can be very helpful when a big project is due the next day, or if there’s a topic your child wants to learn more about.  
  • Multi-tasking and flexibility: The ADHD brain can jump quickly from one topic to another, allowing for adaptability and the ability to thrive in chaos.  

How to help develop your child’s superpowers

The challenging behaviors naturally get a lot of attention. Some of the qualities that come along with neurodiversity have a positive side, too — including instincts and skills that can be nurtured to help your child grow steady, confident and strong. You can help your child identify and focus on their strengths and build their self-esteem.

Positive reinforcement

Acknowledging when your child does something right can be a powerful motivator. Tell your child when they’ve done something they should be proud of.

Structured environment

Kids with ADHD don’t always love routines, but they thrive when routines are in place. Schedules that your child can see and follow, or a distraction-free homework area can help them feel in control.

Open communication

Allow your child to express their thoughts and feelings so you can work on challenges together.

Advocate for your child

RethinkCare can help you talk to your child’s teacher and support you through the process of setting up an Individualized Education Program (IEP) or 504 when needed. Section 504 is the federal requirement for public schools to provide a free and appropriate education. Click here to register for your free account, available to all employees with children of any age.

Therapy

Learning to control impulses and emotions can improve life at school and at home. Telemynd* offers therapy for kids age 5+ with flexible scheduling and the ability to complete the first session in less than a week. This program is available to those enrolled in the Aetna® medical plan. 

Medication

Your child’s therapist can help you decide if medication is appropriate for your child. Sometimes it’s a short-term fix that helps a child build long-term habits, while others may need it longer.

Wondering if you or your child has ADHD?

We all experience some of these symptoms from time to time. But if they’re affecting your daily life, support is available. Your Costco benefits can help you and your child flourish. This includes coping strategies, therapy and medication if needed. 
 
Call Resources for Living at 833-721-2320 (TTY: 711) or visit RFL.com/Costco to access six free counseling sessions per issue yearly, for you, each of your household members regardless of age, and each of your dependent children up to age 26 who may live away from home. 

You can also visit Telemynd.com/Costco to get started with virtual therapy or psychiatric treatment for kids age 5+, teens and adults. 

*Available on the mainland only.

Sources:
Mayo Clinic. Adult attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) – Symptoms and causes
National Institute of Mental Health (NIMH).
Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD)

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When a loved one reaches end-of-life

The loss of a parent or loved one can be one of the most difficult events in a person’s life. The months leading up to their death, and the grief that follows, can be extremely painful, no matter what your relationship with your loved one has been. Your Costco benefits can help with support and guidance throughout this challenging time.

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Palliative or hospice care?

When your family member has a serious illness, they may talk with their doctor about what direction they want their treatment to take. They often can’t have these conversations as they get more ill and may need you to make healthcare decisions for them.

Resources for Living’s legal services can help you and your family member set up a healthcare proxy so that you can legally make decisions about their treatment on their behalf. Your family member may also want to talk to their doctor about a do-not-resuscitate order (DNR) if they don’t want CPR attempted if their heart stops beating or their breathing stops. 

Treatment options to consider include palliative care or hospice care. These are explained below. 

Palliative care can transfer to hospice care if the medical team believes treatment is no longer helping and the person is likely to die within six months. Alternately, hospice care can be stopped if the person wants to restart medical treatment or if they get better unexpectedly.

Grieving the loss of loved one

There is no one way to feel when a parent or loved one dies. In fact, most people rarely experience one emotion — one moment, you might be flooded with sadness, then the next moment, feel anger or anxiety. It’s also normal to feel relief that your loved one is no longer suffering or that the grueling caregiving is over. Every emotion is valid. 

Understand that grief has no timeline. Resist the idea that there are certain stages you need to go through. Be patient, allow yourself to feel all your feelings and try the following strategies to find some peace.

5 strategies to cope with grief

number 1

Lean on others

Find one or two trusted friends or family members who you can call whenever you’re struggling. To feel less alone, join a support group for people who have lost a parent. Resources for Living’s care partners can guide you to resources in your area. You can also find peer support with Supportiv, a program that connects you via anonymous small group chats with people struggling with the same things you are. 

number 2

Find time for exercise

Take a daily walk to keep your energy up and release feel-good endorphins. Studies show that physical activity can help people who are grieving feel less depressed and anxious.

number 3

Reconnect through stories and activities

Talk to family about what your family member meant to you and look at old photos to bring back happy memories. Engage in activities they loved, such as cooking their favorite meal, as another way to connect.

number 4

Do something in their memory

Honor your loved one by planting a tree, running a race in their name, or donating to or volunteering at their favorite charity. These actions can raise your spirits and give you a sense of comfort.

number 5

Try therapy

A therapist can help you process your grief. Therapy is also a safe space to work through any difficulties you had with your loved one, find forgiveness and achieve a level of closure. Get started with six yearly free counseling sessions via in-person, televideo or chat through Resources for Living. You can also try an eight-week online program to help process grief through AbleTo.

Grieving is normal, natural and different for everyone. Be kind to yourself and take the time you need to work through your loss. And remember, help is available. Turn to the resources below to get the support you need.

Sources:
National Institute on Aging. What are palliative care and hospice care?
WebMD. What is hospice care?
Forbes Health. Losing a parent: expert tips for coping with the grief.

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Video: What everyone needs to know about bullying

Pushing and hitting. Cruel words. Online threats. Exclusion. These are all forms of bullying, which can be devastating to a child’s, teen’s or adult’s mental health. Find out how to spot the signs of bullying and what we all can do to make a difference in this important video from Resources for Living.

If your child is a victim of bullying, let them know that it’s not their fault and that you are there to help. If your child is bullying others, set expectations and consequences to help guide them down a different path. Telemynd* can offer additional support with therapy and psychiatry for parents and children dealing with bullying.

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