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MAY 2024

The “default parent syndrome” and other parenting challenges

Parenthood can be a bumpy ride. Filled with ups, downs, twists, turns and heart-swelling joy, it’s a journey that requires unwavering resilience from whomever decides to take it.  

But how do you build the strength to overcome and bounce back from obstacles day in and day out? Let’s explore how you can successfully navigate some of the challenges you face with the help of your Costco benefits.

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The “default parent syndrome”

The default parent is the one in a two-parent household who’s first in line when it comes to caring for children and home-related responsibilities.

In the past, it was typical for one parent to stay at home with the children while the other parent went to work. Today, despite most households having two working parents, one parent still often carries the bigger load in parenting — helping with school projects, signing permission slips, managing doctor’s appointments, maintaining the activities schedule, and the list goes on.

But no matter which parent is the default parent, the role can feel overwhelming and exhausting when family demands and stress exceed your resources. Social media users have created a name for it: the default parent syndrome. 

The consequences of the default parent syndrome can be rough on the whole family. The default parent may experience chronic fatigue, feelings of resentment toward their partner and a decline in mental health. The non-default parent can feel disconnected from the default parent. The quality of the relationship between each parent and their children can also suffer.  

But with patience and collaboration, you can overcome the negative effects of the default parent syndrome. Strategies such as effective communication between partners, shared problem-solving and counseling can all help.

Resources for Living offers tools and support for families and relationships, including six free counseling sessions per person, per year. You can also get expert advice on how to overcome parental burnout and work together as parents from RethinkCare. Check out their free webinar How to enjoy parenting from an empty tank.

If you sign up for RethinkCare, you can register for monthly parent discussion groups to help you navigate parenting challenges. Choose the session that fits your schedule and the age of your child. This month’s topic is “Finding the Joy in Chaos”. 

Finding time for you 

Let’s be honest. Most parents don’t have a choice when it comes to navigating whatever life throws at them. Making sure your kids are safe, healthy and loved while you’re holding down a job, driving your kids to and from activities, and so much more takes work and immense strength. But it’s important to remember that you don’t have endless energy, no matter how much you love your children. 

Committing to self-care can help keep you physically, emotionally and mentally healthy so that you can be the best parent you can be. Explore what lifts you up, such as running, talking with friends or crafting, and make time to do it. Focus on what you can do — a 10-minute walk — versus what you should do — a long hike in the woods. And celebrate every achievement, no matter how small.  

Remember, self-care is not selfish. When you work on your own resiliency, you’re helping your children by modeling essential skills, including problem-solving, setting goals and self-advocacy. It’s these skills that will help them face and overcome challenges in their own life with grace and strength.

Growing your family?

The decision to bring a child, or another child, into your life can trigger concerns about health for mom and baby, including mental health for moms who may experience postpartum depression. Sometimes, just getting pregnant can be difficult or stressful — nearly 15% of couples struggle with infertility.¹ Addressing your concerns is essential to moving forward with your family plan.

The Aetna Maternity Program* offers education and answers for every stage of pregnancy. Once enrolled, you’ll get access to resources and expert guidance and support from specially trained nurses on topics such as: 

• Prenatal care 
• Lowering your risk for early labor 
• Fertility  
• Mental health and postpartum depression  
• And more 

You can also access the online Maternity Support Center on your member website at Aetna.com for additional help.

*Available only on the mainland.

¹National Institute of Child Health and Human Development. How common is infertility?

Sources:
Psychology Today. The default parent syndrome: more than just a TikTok trend.
NUK. A trait every mom shares: resiliency.

If you’re a mom, dad, or mom-to-be, check out these resources to help you build your inner strength.