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SEPTEMBER 2024

Why chronic pain causes fatigue and depression

Are you suffering from chronic pain? Do you feel too tired to get things done? Is not being as efficient as you like getting you down? 

Chronic pain can be a stubborn and complex condition to treat, since it can create problems beyond the obvious physical discomfort. Your Costco benefits offer a variety of programs to help you manage chronic pain (and the stress that can come with it) and get back to living your life.

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What is chronic pain?

According to the National Institutes of Health, 25.3 million U.S. adults live with chronic pain (pain that lasts three months or longer).1 This persistent pain can result from an injury, illness, infection or medical condition such as arthritis or migraine headaches. It can range from an annoyance to a source of severe suffering.

Chronic pain and fatigue

When chronic pain persists, the discomfort can make it difficult to get restorative sleep. Pain can trigger feelings of sadness and despair, which can make getting a good night’s sleep even harder. At the same time, a lack of quality sleep can decrease your pain tolerance and intensify your experience of pain.

Chronic pain and depression

Chronic pain can make it difficult to exercise, socialize, work and enjoy even the simplest things in life. Thoughts about the pain and reduced physical activity can lead to feelings of sadness and loss.  

The stress of putting all your efforts into managing your pain while still trying to keep up with life’s demands can be stressful and deepen feelings of depression. It’s a common predicament — between one-third and three-quarters of people with chronic pain experience moderate to severe depression.

4 ways to manage the mental health effects of chronic pain

No matter the location, source or intensity of the pain, if left untreated, it’s likely to affect your ability to live a healthy, happy life. Here are some approaches you can take to reduce the fatigue and depression from chronic pain.

number 1

Get counseling.

Therapy can help you identify and change the negative thoughts and feelings that can make pain worse. Start with a program tailored to your specific needs through AbleTo*.  These no-cost eight-week programs provide one-on-one therapy, coaching and digital exercises to help you deal with the anger, frustration, depression and anxiety that can come with chronic pain. 

number 2

Participate in physical therapy.

A physical therapist will work with you to identify areas of weakness or stiffness that may be adding to the pain and treat those areas with targeted exercises. Take advantage of free virtual physical therapy through Omada for Joint & Muscle Health and work one-on-one with a licensed physical therapist in the comfort of your home to get the help you need. 

number 3

Try meditation.

Studies show that meditation can lessen pain and stress by retraining the brain to better deal with pain. Keep it simple to start out — just allow yourself to focus on the present moment, letting go of any judgement. For help, turn to Resources for Living and their library of videos and podcasts that can get you started with a meditation practice.

number 4

Cut back on unhealthy substances.

Alcohol can make sleep problems worse and increase depressive symptoms. Smoking restricts blood flow, which prevents healing. If you have chronic pain, drink less or no alcohol. Work with the Costco Tobacco Cessation Program to help you quit nicotine products for good.

These strategies can help ease your pain, promote relaxation and improve your outlook. Check out the resources below to get started. 

1National Institutes of Health. NIH analysis shows Americans are in pain.
*Not available in Puerto Rico. 

Sources:
AbleTo. Why chronic pain causes fatigue and depression.
Mayo Clinic Health System. Pathways through persistent pain: tips for managing chronic pain.
Healthline. Meditating for chronic pain management.

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SEPTEMBER 2024

Video: Warning signs of suicide 

Suicide affects people of all ages. It’s the second leading cause of death for children ages 10 – 14 and for adults ages 20 – 34, and among the top 9 leading causes of death for all people up to age 64.1

Suicide Prevention Month, happening this September, is a time to acknowledge the pain and suffering of those struggling with suicidal thoughts and the impact on their families, friends and communities. It’s also a time of hope. Suicide can often be prevented. Knowing the warning signs for suicide, and how to get help, can save lives.

Please take time to watch the video below from Resources for Living. You’ll learn what thoughts, feelings and behavioral changes may signify that someone is thinking about suicide.  

If these warning signs apply to you or anyone you know, get help as soon as possible by calling or texting the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline at 988.

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1Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. Facts about suicide.

Sources:
Resources for Living. Video: Warning signs of suicide.
National Institute of Mental Health. Warning signs of suicide.

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AUGUST 2024

When a loved one reaches end-of-life

The loss of a parent or loved one can be one of the most difficult events in a person’s life. The months leading up to their death, and the grief that follows, can be extremely painful, no matter what your relationship with your loved one has been. Your Costco benefits can help with support and guidance throughout this challenging time.

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Palliative or hospice care?

When your family member has a serious illness, they may talk with their doctor about what direction they want their treatment to take. They often can’t have these conversations as they get more ill and may need you to make healthcare decisions for them.

Resources for Living’s legal services can help you and your family member set up a healthcare proxy so that you can legally make decisions about their treatment on their behalf. Your family member may also want to talk to their doctor about a do-not-resuscitate order (DNR) if they don’t want CPR attempted if their heart stops beating or their breathing stops. 

Treatment options to consider include palliative care or hospice care. These are explained below. 

Palliative care can transfer to hospice care if the medical team believes treatment is no longer helping and the person is likely to die within six months. Alternately, hospice care can be stopped if the person wants to restart medical treatment or if they get better unexpectedly.

Grieving the loss of loved one

There is no one way to feel when a parent or loved one dies. In fact, most people rarely experience one emotion — one moment, you might be flooded with sadness, then the next moment, feel anger or anxiety. It’s also normal to feel relief that your loved one is no longer suffering or that the grueling caregiving is over. Every emotion is valid. 

Understand that grief has no timeline. Resist the idea that there are certain stages you need to go through. Be patient, allow yourself to feel all your feelings and try the following strategies to find some peace.

5 strategies to cope with grief

number 1

Lean on others

Find one or two trusted friends or family members who you can call whenever you’re struggling. To feel less alone, join a support group for people who have lost a parent. Resources for Living’s care partners can guide you to resources in your area. You can also find peer support with Supportiv, a program that connects you via anonymous small group chats with people struggling with the same things you are. 

number 2

Find time for exercise

Take a daily walk to keep your energy up and release feel-good endorphins. Studies show that physical activity can help people who are grieving feel less depressed and anxious.

number 3

Reconnect through stories and activities

Talk to family about what your family member meant to you and look at old photos to bring back happy memories. Engage in activities they loved, such as cooking their favorite meal, as another way to connect.

number 4

Do something in their memory

Honor your loved one by planting a tree, running a race in their name, or donating to or volunteering at their favorite charity. These actions can raise your spirits and give you a sense of comfort.

number 5

Try therapy

A therapist can help you process your grief. Therapy is also a safe space to work through any difficulties you had with your loved one, find forgiveness and achieve a level of closure. Get started with six yearly free counseling sessions via in-person, televideo or chat through Resources for Living. You can also try an eight-week online program to help process grief through AbleTo.

Grieving is normal, natural and different for everyone. Be kind to yourself and take the time you need to work through your loss. And remember, help is available. Turn to the resources below to get the support you need.

Sources:
National Institute on Aging. What are palliative care and hospice care?
WebMD. What is hospice care?
Forbes Health. Losing a parent: expert tips for coping with the grief.

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AUGUST 2024

Video: What everyone needs to know about bullying

Pushing and hitting. Cruel words. Online threats. Exclusion. These are all forms of bullying, which can be devastating to a child’s, teen’s or adult’s mental health. Find out how to spot the signs of bullying and what we all can do to make a difference in this important video from Resources for Living.

If your child is a victim of bullying, let them know that it’s not their fault and that you are there to help. If your child is bullying others, set expectations and consequences to help guide them down a different path. Telemynd* can offer additional support with therapy and psychiatry for parents and children dealing with bullying.

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JUNE 2024

The mood-boosting health benefits of kindness

Some days get the best of us. Traffic is awful. A friend or family member cancels their visit. You spill coffee in the breakroom. Your toilet backs up. It can be hard to keep smiling when it seems like everything’s working against you. 

Fortunately, there’s a way to boost your mood at any time that’s completely within your control. It’s as simple as boosting someone else’s mood first.  

And remember, your Costco benefits are always there for you to help you through a hard time or build your social connectedness.

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Being nice is a win-win

Many people have stories about how being nice to someone made them feel good. Now, science is beginning to help understand why. 

Using brain imaging, researchers found that receiving money increases activity in the brain’s reward system, the same area of the brain that releases feel-good chemicals when stimulated by food or a good nap.1 But that’s not all. Donating to a charity also had the same effect. In other words, both giving and receiving kindness can produce a natural high. 

But you don’t have to spend money to reap the benefits of being nice. According to a study in The Journal of Social Psychology, people aged 18 to 60 who carried out random acts of kindness every day for 10 days reported higher life satisfaction than those who didn’t.2 Spreading good vibes can really pay off.

Kindness doesn’t have to cost a thing

These everyday acts can leave a big impact on a fellow human being. Try one out to see how it feels. And if you need help nurturing your relationships, access free, personalized virtual mental health programs through programs such as AbleTo.*

Tell someone they’re doing a great job 

Noticing the work someone is putting in and saying thank you can make a huge difference in their day. Try things such as leaving a thank you note for your mail carrier, writing a Yelp review about a great waiter, or giving a fist bump to a helpful coworker.

Let someone else go first

Slowing down often creates opportunities to be kind. Maybe it’s letting a car merge in front of you in traffic. Or letting a person with fewer items at the grocery store check out before you. There are countless ways being a little patient can make all the difference to someone else.

Give something other than money

What do you own that you can give away? Consider carrying items like granola bars or new socks that you can give to unhoused folks. Or pack up used amenities that are still in good condition, like towels and sheets. Many animal shelters accept old linens to keep their animals warm.

Offer up your time

Everyone needs a break sometimes. If you know someone with kids or pets, offering to babysit or pet sit for free can be a huge help. Weed a busy neighbor’s garden. Help a friend clean out their closet. Or volunteer for a cause you believe in, such as Costco’s Reading Buddies program, where you help a young reader once a week at a school in your community. If interested, talk to your manager for more information.

Pay someone a compliment

It’s human nature to think that when someone is looking at you, they’re judging you. Flip this perception on its head. The next time you’re loving a coworker’s style, let them know.

Do someone else’s chores 

Whether it’s a roommate, family member, or friend, everyone gets overwhelmed. Sometimes just doing something small, like the dishes when it’s not your turn, can help someone else catch their breath.

Get in touch

Lots of people touch our lives without ever really knowing their impact. If there’s an old teacher, coach, or manager that changed your life, send them a message of gratitude. It could be exactly what they need that day.

Kindness breeds kindness

At the end of the day, you don’t need a lot of money or a lot of time to show kindness. Sometimes, it can be as simple as making eye contact, saying hi, or just offering a smile.  

If someone doesn’t wave back or express gratitude, that’s ok. Move on to the next opportunity. Kindness has a ripple effect. If you keep expressing it, it will keep coming back to you. 

Check out the resources below to get the personal support you need to create stronger and healthier connections.

*Not available in Puerto Rico. 

1Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences. Human fronto-mesolimbic networks guide decisions about charitable donation.
2The Journal of Social Psychology. Acts of kindness and acts of novelty affect life satisfaction.

Source:
AbleTo. 7 easy ways to make someone’s day (including your own) 

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JUNE 2024

A caregiver’s guide to setting healthy boundaries

What’s the most important job for a caregiver? It’s probably not what you think. When you take on the responsibilities of caring for another person, be it a grandparent, an aging parent, a sick friend or relative, or an older disabled child, self-care must come first. To use a familiar metaphor, you need to put on your oxygen mask before helping others.  

If you are or will be a caregiver, look to your Costco benefits to support you in this crucial role. And if you have a caregiver in your life, be sure to acknowledge the hard work they do and reach out to offer help when you can.

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Why self-care is important 

The rewards of caregiving are many. It can feel good to give back to someone who has cared for you. Or give you sense of satisfaction and pride knowing your loved one is well cared for. But caregiving can also put a strain on your mind and body.

The levels of stress hormones in caregivers are 23% higher in comparison to non-caregivers. 40 – 70% of caregivers experience symptoms of depression. 14% use alcohol to cope. And in one survey, over 30% of unpaid caregivers had considered suicide. 

These statistics show that it’s normal for caregivers to feel these difficult emotions. And that it’s ok to feel this way. Admitting that you’re struggling takes courage. It’s the first step in preserving and/or recovering your well-being.

How to build a boundary

You can only give quality care if you know your own needs and limitations. When these needs are unmet or demands are excessive, you might feel guilty or distressed—neither of which can help your situation. Creating boundaries is a way to lay the foundation for positive self-care habits. 

But how do you go about creating healthy boundaries? Follow these steps.

number 1

Accept your emotions, good and bad. 

When negative feelings show up, you may want to hide them. But these emotions have important underlying messages.

Anger and frustration notify you of unfair or unsustainable conditions, such as having to give care late into the night when you have to work the next day. Fear arises from uncomfortable events colliding with limited resources, such as taking on medical duties when you aren’t a trained medial professional. Resentment stems from feeling unappreciated or trapped, such as being unable to attend important social events due to your caregiving duties. Guilt displays our genuine wish to treat others well, such as wanting to be more patient with your loved one but feeling time pressure.  

Recognizing what these emotions mean can help you identify potential boundaries.

number 2

Set boundaries according to your goals.

What will help you feel better in daily life? Make a list of healthy habits or a tangible goal to work toward. Then set up and communicate your boundary to keep yourself on track. Slowly but surely, you’ll be able to construct a more sustainable lifestyle. Here are some examples to get you started.

Goal:
Exercise 2 – 3 times per week

Boundary:
“I will be going on a walk after your morning routine on days I feel up to it. I wanted to let you know that’s on my schedule, and you’re welcome to join me whenever.”

Goal:
Sleep 8 hours a night

Boundary:
“Let’s have all your nighttime needs met by 9 p. m., so I have an hour to wind down before sleep.”

Goal:
Engage in activities that you enjoy

Boundary:
“I need some time to recharge. Let’s find a window of a couple hours in the next two days when you won’t need my help, or when someone else can take over.”

number 3

Reach out to others. 

Friends, family members, physicians, therapists, community groups and online support networks may not be in your shoes, but they have the resources and are willing to listen and work with you through tough situations.  They can provide you a break and a safe space to vent. Asking someone else for help is a great gift and can strengthen both your confidence and the connection between you. 

Supportiv can quickly connect you online with other caregivers who understand. So, no matter what you’re dealing with, you won’t feel so alone. This totally anonymous service is free to Costco employees.

number 4

It’s ok to politely say no.

When asked if you can do an extra assignment or take on another duty, think about whether you can handle it. If you hesitate for a second, then you should not be picking up new tasks. Saying no to someone is not rude or mean. It demonstrates that you know your limits.

number 5

Build community outside of your caregiving relationship.

Understand that you need a wide circle of support. Build a community that’s not just family, but also people from different parts of your life, such as coworkers, neighbors, and friends old and new. Expose yourself to people who make you laugh and lift you up. There’s no room for guilt when you fill the room with people who support you.

Boundaries are meant to protect you and the person you care for, to preserve your caregiving relationship, and to create a more functional partnership. By showing the courage to value your own needs, you enhance the quality of care you provide.

It’s not always easy to ask for help. But taking care of you is the only way you can take care of others. Look to the resources below for help.

Sources:
Supportiv. The impact of caregiving on your physical and mental health. 
Supportiv. Maintaining boundaries as a caregiver: go from guilt to glow.

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JUNE 2024

Teens, tweens and social media: the good, the bad and how to make the best of it

Social media has become a part of daily life for most Americans. It’s the same for teens and tweens. Up to 95% report using a social media platform, with almost a third saying they use social media “almost constantly”. 

While we’ve all read about cyberbullies and other online threats, social media can also give teens a sense of community, acceptance and belonging. This begs the question: Is social media good or bad for our teens?

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The good parts

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Connection

In a 2018 Pew survey, 81% of teens said that social media helped them stay connected to their friends. 69% felt it allowed them to interact with a more diverse group of people. 68% said they found people online who would support them through tough times.

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Self-expression and personal growth

Social media can help teens express themselves and teach them new skills. It exposes them to more perspectives and opinions. It makes sharing information easier. And it can provide teens with support from other people with whom they have hobbies or experiences in common.

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Support for mental health

Anxious teens may find connecting online easier than in-person meetings, alleviating their loneliness. Teens who belong to groups that often get marginalized may find their tribe using social media. Social media that’s humorous or distracting can help a stressed teen cope with a challenging day.

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Relationship-building

Some young people use social media to “build their brand” for social, school or business ventures. From reselling clothing or crafts on sites such as Depop or Etsy, to building a following for passion projects, such as car restoration, a social media presence can be a key tool for success.

The bad parts

Highly addictive

Because social media is designed to keep users coming back for more, it can be very addictive to the teenage brain. Adolescence is a period of significant brain development, making teenagers especially vulnerable to the built-in immediate gratification of shares, “likes,” comments and followers — especially since social media is always “on”.

In addition, emerging research suggests that short-form videos, such as those on TikTok and Instagram, are shortening attention spans. This can increase stress levels and interfere with school performance.

Sleep deprivation

According to the Centers for Disease Control, more than 70% of high schoolers don’t get enough sleep. Staying up late scrolling social media can contribute. Adolescents who don’t get enough sleep have a higher risk of obesity, diabetes, injuries, poor mental health and problems with attention and behavior.

Negative self-image and poor mental health

Social media is full of carefully crafted and filtered profiles. The perfect look and life of their favorite influencer can encourage teens and tweens to have unrealistic expectations. This can lead to body image concerns, eating disorders and poor self-esteem. 

Cyberbullying can be even more severe than in-person bullying. Abusive messages or images can be sent anonymously, shielding perpetrators from consequences. Plus, by posting pictures of themselves, teens may unwillingly open themselves up to vicious comments and unwanted shares. Teens may find it hard to escape this form of bullying  since rumors can spread farther, faster and be around for a long time.

In addition, the pressure to stay on top of the latest trends and opportunities can increase stress associated with FOMO (fear of missing out). Research has found that teens who spend more than three hours a day on social media face double the risk of experiencing symptoms of depression and anxiety. 

If your teen is struggling with any of these issues, Telemynd’s* expert therapists and psychiatrists offer help for sleep issues, cyberbullying, poor body image, ADHD, depression and anxiety.

Oversharing and regret

With the teenage brain, it’s common to make a choice before thinking it through. Teens might post something when they’re angry or upset and regret it later. Or share things that they’re not supposed to. This can be embarrassing and bring unwanted attention far beyond their close friend group.

5 ways to keep your teen in the good zone

So how can you try to ensure that your teen stays safe and has more positive experiences on social media? These 5 simple tips can help.

number 1

Talk about it

Check in with your teen about how social media’s working for them right now. Let them share their feelings about the time they spend on Instagram or Snapchat. Ask them what they find interesting and, if possible, suggest activities they could do to support that interest. If you’re concerned that your teens can’t control their social media use, talk about your concerns in a nonjudgmental way. Give your teens a chance to share their perspective on what they think could improve their experience.

number 2

Set a good example

It’s easy to jump on your phone to catch up on things when you get home from work. But remember, your behaviors are a model for your kids. When they’re talking to you, put your phone down. Make it a rule that everyone turns their phone off at mealtime. Be thoughtful about what you share on your own social media accounts and don’t post when you’re angry or upset. Show your kids that they control their social media use, it doesn’t control them.

number 3

Avoid toxicity

Discourage your teens from friending just anyone or engaging with people whose behavior is hurtful, demeaning or toxic. Rather than telling them who to connect with and who to avoid, share your own experiences with friends, both good and bad, to show that you can relate. Do your best to be non-judgmental and empathetic. And let your teens know they can always talk to you if they are worried about social media interactions that can be harmful to themselves or others.

number 4

Urge them to stay grounded

If your teens are seeing things on social media that make them feel like they don’t measure up, point out that not everything they see is real. The opposite is true, too — if they’re racking up likes for their social media persona, remind them that their real self is great, too. Either way, champion the idea of cultivating some screen-free time so they can stay in touch with who they are in real life.

number 5

Set boundaries

Remember, you know your kid best. If social media seems to make them feel worse, not better, about themselves, or you’re concerned about the amount of time they spend online, setting limits as a family could help. RethinkCare’s podcast Screen time, video games and social media can give you some ideas.  

If you or your tween or teen could benefit from some extra support navigating social media, ask for help. Start by learning more about the resources below.

Sources:
U.S. Department of Health and Human Services. Social media and youth mental health.
Mayo Clinic. Teens and social media: what’s the impact?
Centers for Disease Control. Sleep and health.

*Available only on the mainland.

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MAY 2024

Managing anxiety for kids and teens

Has your child frequently complained about feeling sick to their stomach? Does your teen seem increasingly irritable or withdrawn? Have your kids stopped doing the things they used to enjoy? These may be signs of anxiety.

Anxiety disorders are the most common childhood mental health condition, affecting 1 in 8 children.1 They are also highly treatable with the right care. Read on for information about childhood anxiety and how you can help your child build skills and resilience to manage their symptoms.

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Forms of anxiety

Anxiety is a normal human response to stress, danger or a threat. But if the anxiety persists once the threat is gone or the threat never existed in the first place, it can get in the way of your child being able to live their life. This may indicate that they need help.

Anxiety can show up for kids in a lot of different scenarios, including:

  • Separating from primary caregivers
  • Social situations that can bring up fears of not fitting in or being judged or bullied
  • Worry about grades or doing well enough
  • Fear of failure or the unknown
  • Irrational, unspecified or obsessive fear
  • Worry about germs or contamination

It’s common for kids to feel anxiety on multiple fronts, such as feeling anxious about attending a class for both social and academic reasons.

Signs of anxiety

Since anxiety disorders tend to run in families, they are most likely caused by a combination of genetics and environment. Here are some signs of anxiety that occur within:

Any
age

Trouble sleeping

Low appetite

Excessive worrying or negative thoughts

Irritability 

Constantly looking for reassurance

Younger children

Headaches or stomachaches 

Having accidents at night

Returning to behaviors that they had outgrown (regression) 

Acting out 

Frequent crying 

Being clingy or fidgety 

Touching crotch area (more common in boys) 

School-age children, teens and tweens

Avoiding school and other social settings

Trouble concentrating 

Withdrawing from family and friends 

Not keeping up with personal hygiene 

Angry outbursts 

Physical symptoms: headaches, stomachaches, racing heart, muscle tension, missed periods, sweating or blushing

Short videos are available to help parents understand childhood anxiety. Watch this video for a deeper dive into the symptoms of anxiety and this video to learn more about anxiety in younger kids.

Anxiety and other mental health conditions 

Childhood anxiety often occurs along with a range of mental health conditions, including developmental differences and learning challenges. Here are some that are most common.

Anxiety and panic attacks

A panic attack is a period of intense fear and anxiety that can last minutes or hours. It may be triggered by something stressful, though many are unexpected. Panic attacks most often start in the tween or teen years and can become so severe that the child may be afraid to leave home. Symptoms can include a racing heartbeat, tightness in the chest, lightheadedness, stomach cramps, shaking legs, and fears of losing control or dying.

Anxiety and depression

Depression and anxiety disorders commonly occur together in children, even sharing some symptoms such as trouble sleeping, increased irritability, and withdrawing from friends or activities. In fact, kids who have anxiety as children are more likely to have depression as teens.

Anxiety and ADHD 

About 3 in 10 children with attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) also have an anxiety disorder.2 These conditions can look very much alike in certain circumstances. Some of the symptoms of ADHD can be the same as the symptoms of anxiety. If your child is struggling, a counselor or therapist can determine how best to support your child.

What you can do

If you’re a parent or caregiver, your child’s health and well-being couldn’t be more important. Following these steps when your child’s anxiety is interfering with their normal activities can be life changing for your child and your family. 

number 1

Have calm, open conversations.

Approach conversations when your child is anxious  with empathy, compassion and honesty. It’s important to be patient as you help your child navigate solutions. Try to:

  • Validate their feelings. Let them know it’s okay to feel stressed out, worried or afraid.  
  • Model coping. Talk them through your own experiences with anxiety. For example, if talking to a neighbor made you feel anxious, let your kids know how you feel and how you’re planning to cope, maybe by drinking a glass of water and taking a walk around the block. 
  • Avoid blanket reassurances. Saying “that’s not going to happen” isn’t necessarily true. Instead, let your child know you have confidence that they can handle what they fear. 
  • Encourage your kids to give anxiety a name. Anything from Bob to Voldemort. Doing so helps create space between them and what they’re feeling. And it can make anxiety easier to talk about. Another tip: Instead of saying, “I am anxious,” reframe it as, “I’m feeling anxious.” This helps reinforce that the feeling is temporary. And it’s not a part of their identity.
number 2

Help them face their fears.

If kids have anxiety about something, they tend to avoid it. That’s true even for adults, who may find it hard to do tasks that are intimidating or overwhelming. Avoiding a task can keep kids safe in the moment, but it also reinforces the idea that they can’t do it, or they can’t tolerate their anxiety.  

While it’s natural to want to swoop in and rescue your child when they’re in distress, making a plan to approach the things that they’re afraid of will be beneficial in the long run. Over time, their anxiety will be lowered because their new learning will make them more resilient. It will reinforce the fact that they can do hard things. 

number 3

Seek professional help.

One of the best ways to treat anxiety is with counseling. Your Costco benefits offer several resources to help you help your child.

  • Telemynd* can provide quick access to therapists and medication management for children ages 5+, teens and adults if you’re enrolled in an Aetna® medical plan. Worry and anxiety are the top reasons Costco employees pursue therapy with their child.  
  • Talkspace, a program from Resources for Living, is an on-demand video chat- and text-based therapy program, available 24/7 to teens age 13+ and adults. The first six sessions are free to all Costco employees, their household members and dependent children up to age 26.

*Available only on the mainland.
**Not available in Puerto Rico.

1National Library of Medicine. Anxiety in children.
2ADDitude. Which came first: the anxiety or the ADHD?

Sources:
WebMD. Recognizing childhood depression and anxiety.
American Academy of Child & Adolescent Psychiatry. Panic disorder in children and adolescents.
The Baker Center for Children and Families. Helpful tips for parenting anxious kids and talking about anxiety.

Check out the resources below to get the support your family needs — much of it at no cost to you.

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MAY 2024

The “default parent syndrome” and other parenting challenges

Parenthood can be a bumpy ride. Filled with ups, downs, twists, turns and heart-swelling joy, it’s a journey that requires unwavering resilience from whomever decides to take it.  

But how do you build the strength to overcome and bounce back from obstacles day in and day out? Let’s explore how you can successfully navigate some of the challenges you face with the help of your Costco benefits.

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The “default parent syndrome”

The default parent is the one in a two-parent household who’s first in line when it comes to caring for children and home-related responsibilities.

In the past, it was typical for one parent to stay at home with the children while the other parent went to work. Today, despite most households having two working parents, one parent still often carries the bigger load in parenting — helping with school projects, signing permission slips, managing doctor’s appointments, maintaining the activities schedule, and the list goes on.

But no matter which parent is the default parent, the role can feel overwhelming and exhausting when family demands and stress exceed your resources. Social media users have created a name for it: the default parent syndrome. 

The consequences of the default parent syndrome can be rough on the whole family. The default parent may experience chronic fatigue, feelings of resentment toward their partner and a decline in mental health. The non-default parent can feel disconnected from the default parent. The quality of the relationship between each parent and their children can also suffer.  

But with patience and collaboration, you can overcome the negative effects of the default parent syndrome. Strategies such as effective communication between partners, shared problem-solving and counseling can all help.

Resources for Living offers tools and support for families and relationships, including six free counseling sessions per person, per year. You can also get expert advice on how to overcome parental burnout and work together as parents from RethinkCare. Check out their free webinar How to enjoy parenting from an empty tank.

If you sign up for RethinkCare, you can register for monthly parent discussion groups to help you navigate parenting challenges. Choose the session that fits your schedule and the age of your child. This month’s topic is “Finding the Joy in Chaos”. 

Finding time for you 

Let’s be honest. Most parents don’t have a choice when it comes to navigating whatever life throws at them. Making sure your kids are safe, healthy and loved while you’re holding down a job, driving your kids to and from activities, and so much more takes work and immense strength. But it’s important to remember that you don’t have endless energy, no matter how much you love your children. 

Committing to self-care can help keep you physically, emotionally and mentally healthy so that you can be the best parent you can be. Explore what lifts you up, such as running, talking with friends or crafting, and make time to do it. Focus on what you can do — a 10-minute walk — versus what you should do — a long hike in the woods. And celebrate every achievement, no matter how small.  

Remember, self-care is not selfish. When you work on your own resiliency, you’re helping your children by modeling essential skills, including problem-solving, setting goals and self-advocacy. It’s these skills that will help them face and overcome challenges in their own life with grace and strength.

Growing your family?

The decision to bring a child, or another child, into your life can trigger concerns about health for mom and baby, including mental health for moms who may experience postpartum depression. Sometimes, just getting pregnant can be difficult or stressful — nearly 15% of couples struggle with infertility.1 Addressing your concerns is essential to moving forward with your family plan.

The Aetna Maternity Program* offers education and answers for every stage of pregnancy. Once enrolled, you’ll get access to resources and expert guidance and support from specially trained nurses on topics such as: 

  • Prenatal care 
  • Lowering your risk for early labor 
  • Fertility  
  • Mental health and postpartum depression  
  • And more 

You can also access the online Maternity Support Center on your member website at Aetna.com for additional help.

*Available only on the mainland.

1National Institute of Child Health and Human Development. How common is infertility?

Sources:
Psychology Today. The default parent syndrome: more than just a TikTok trend.
NUK. A trait every mom shares: resiliency.

If you’re a mom, dad, or mom-to-be, check out these resources to help you build your inner strength.