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The mood-boosting health benefits of kindness

Some days get the best of us. Traffic is awful. A friend or family member cancels their visit. You spill coffee in the breakroom. Your toilet backs up. It can be hard to keep smiling when it seems like everything’s working against you. 

Fortunately, there’s a way to boost your mood at any time that’s completely within your control. It’s as simple as boosting someone else’s mood first.  

And remember, your Costco benefits are always there for you to help you through a hard time or build your social connectedness.

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Being nice is a win-win

Many people have stories about how being nice to someone made them feel good. Now, science is beginning to help understand why. 

Using brain imaging, researchers found that receiving money increases activity in the brain’s reward system, the same area of the brain that releases feel-good chemicals when stimulated by food or a good nap.1 But that’s not all. Donating to a charity also had the same effect. In other words, both giving and receiving kindness can produce a natural high. 

But you don’t have to spend money to reap the benefits of being nice. According to a study in The Journal of Social Psychology, people aged 18 to 60 who carried out random acts of kindness every day for 10 days reported higher life satisfaction than those who didn’t.2 Spreading good vibes can really pay off.

Kindness doesn’t have to cost a thing

These everyday acts can leave a big impact on a fellow human being. Try one out to see how it feels. And if you need help nurturing your relationships, access free, personalized virtual mental health programs through programs such as AbleTo.*

Tell someone they’re doing a great job 

Noticing the work someone is putting in and saying thank you can make a huge difference in their day. Try things such as leaving a thank you note for your mail carrier, writing a Yelp review about a great waiter, or giving a fist bump to a helpful coworker.

Let someone else go first

Slowing down often creates opportunities to be kind. Maybe it’s letting a car merge in front of you in traffic. Or letting a person with fewer items at the grocery store check out before you. There are countless ways being a little patient can make all the difference to someone else.

Give something other than money

What do you own that you can give away? Consider carrying items like granola bars or new socks that you can give to unhoused folks. Or pack up used amenities that are still in good condition, like towels and sheets. Many animal shelters accept old linens to keep their animals warm.

Offer up your time

Everyone needs a break sometimes. If you know someone with kids or pets, offering to babysit or pet sit for free can be a huge help. Weed a busy neighbor’s garden. Help a friend clean out their closet. Or volunteer for a cause you believe in, such as Costco’s Reading Buddies program, where you help a young reader once a week at a school in your community. If interested, talk to your manager for more information.

Pay someone a compliment

It’s human nature to think that when someone is looking at you, they’re judging you. Flip this perception on its head. The next time you’re loving a coworker’s style, let them know.

Do someone else’s chores 

Whether it’s a roommate, family member, or friend, everyone gets overwhelmed. Sometimes just doing something small, like the dishes when it’s not your turn, can help someone else catch their breath.

Get in touch

Lots of people touch our lives without ever really knowing their impact. If there’s an old teacher, coach, or manager that changed your life, send them a message of gratitude. It could be exactly what they need that day.

Kindness breeds kindness

At the end of the day, you don’t need a lot of money or a lot of time to show kindness. Sometimes, it can be as simple as making eye contact, saying hi, or just offering a smile.  

If someone doesn’t wave back or express gratitude, that’s ok. Move on to the next opportunity. Kindness has a ripple effect. If you keep expressing it, it will keep coming back to you. 

Check out the resources below to get the personal support you need to create stronger and healthier connections.

*Not available in Puerto Rico. 

1Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences. Human fronto-mesolimbic networks guide decisions about charitable donation.
2The Journal of Social Psychology. Acts of kindness and acts of novelty affect life satisfaction.

Source:
AbleTo. 7 easy ways to make someone’s day (including your own) 

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A caregiver’s guide to setting healthy boundaries

What’s the most important job for a caregiver? It’s probably not what you think. When you take on the responsibilities of caring for another person, be it a grandparent, an aging parent, a sick friend or relative, or an older disabled child, self-care must come first. To use a familiar metaphor, you need to put on your oxygen mask before helping others.  

If you are or will be a caregiver, look to your Costco benefits to support you in this crucial role. And if you have a caregiver in your life, be sure to acknowledge the hard work they do and reach out to offer help when you can.

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Why self-care is important 

The rewards of caregiving are many. It can feel good to give back to someone who has cared for you. Or give you sense of satisfaction and pride knowing your loved one is well cared for. But caregiving can also put a strain on your mind and body.

The levels of stress hormones in caregivers are 23% higher in comparison to non-caregivers. 40 – 70% of caregivers experience symptoms of depression. 14% use alcohol to cope. And in one survey, over 30% of unpaid caregivers had considered suicide. 

These statistics show that it’s normal for caregivers to feel these difficult emotions. And that it’s ok to feel this way. Admitting that you’re struggling takes courage. It’s the first step in preserving and/or recovering your well-being.

How to build a boundary

You can only give quality care if you know your own needs and limitations. When these needs are unmet or demands are excessive, you might feel guilty or distressed—neither of which can help your situation. Creating boundaries is a way to lay the foundation for positive self-care habits. 

But how do you go about creating healthy boundaries? Follow these steps.

number 1

Accept your emotions, good and bad. 

When negative feelings show up, you may want to hide them. But these emotions have important underlying messages.

Anger and frustration notify you of unfair or unsustainable conditions, such as having to give care late into the night when you have to work the next day. Fear arises from uncomfortable events colliding with limited resources, such as taking on medical duties when you aren’t a trained medial professional. Resentment stems from feeling unappreciated or trapped, such as being unable to attend important social events due to your caregiving duties. Guilt displays our genuine wish to treat others well, such as wanting to be more patient with your loved one but feeling time pressure.  

Recognizing what these emotions mean can help you identify potential boundaries.

number 2

Set boundaries according to your goals.

What will help you feel better in daily life? Make a list of healthy habits or a tangible goal to work toward. Then set up and communicate your boundary to keep yourself on track. Slowly but surely, you’ll be able to construct a more sustainable lifestyle. Here are some examples to get you started.

Goal:
Exercise 2 – 3 times per week

Boundary:
“I will be going on a walk after your morning routine on days I feel up to it. I wanted to let you know that’s on my schedule, and you’re welcome to join me whenever.”

Goal:
Sleep 8 hours a night

Boundary:
“Let’s have all your nighttime needs met by 9 p. m., so I have an hour to wind down before sleep.”

Goal:
Engage in activities that you enjoy

Boundary:
“I need some time to recharge. Let’s find a window of a couple hours in the next two days when you won’t need my help, or when someone else can take over.”

number 3

Reach out to others. 

Friends, family members, physicians, therapists, community groups and online support networks may not be in your shoes, but they have the resources and are willing to listen and work with you through tough situations.  They can provide you a break and a safe space to vent. Asking someone else for help is a great gift and can strengthen both your confidence and the connection between you. 

Supportiv can quickly connect you online with other caregivers who understand. So, no matter what you’re dealing with, you won’t feel so alone. This totally anonymous service is free to Costco employees.

number 4

It’s ok to politely say no.

When asked if you can do an extra assignment or take on another duty, think about whether you can handle it. If you hesitate for a second, then you should not be picking up new tasks. Saying no to someone is not rude or mean. It demonstrates that you know your limits.

number 5

Build community outside of your caregiving relationship.

Understand that you need a wide circle of support. Build a community that’s not just family, but also people from different parts of your life, such as coworkers, neighbors, and friends old and new. Expose yourself to people who make you laugh and lift you up. There’s no room for guilt when you fill the room with people who support you.

Boundaries are meant to protect you and the person you care for, to preserve your caregiving relationship, and to create a more functional partnership. By showing the courage to value your own needs, you enhance the quality of care you provide.

It’s not always easy to ask for help. But taking care of you is the only way you can take care of others. Look to the resources below for help.

Sources:
Supportiv. The impact of caregiving on your physical and mental health. 
Supportiv. Maintaining boundaries as a caregiver: go from guilt to glow.

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Teens, tweens and social media: the good, the bad and how to make the best of it

Social media has become a part of daily life for most Americans. It’s the same for teens and tweens. Up to 95% report using a social media platform, with almost a third saying they use social media “almost constantly”. 

While we’ve all read about cyberbullies and other online threats, social media can also give teens a sense of community, acceptance and belonging. This begs the question: Is social media good or bad for our teens?

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The good parts

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Connection

In a 2018 Pew survey, 81% of teens said that social media helped them stay connected to their friends. 69% felt it allowed them to interact with a more diverse group of people. 68% said they found people online who would support them through tough times.

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Self-expression and personal growth

Social media can help teens express themselves and teach them new skills. It exposes them to more perspectives and opinions. It makes sharing information easier. And it can provide teens with support from other people with whom they have hobbies or experiences in common.

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Support for mental health

Anxious teens may find connecting online easier than in-person meetings, alleviating their loneliness. Teens who belong to groups that often get marginalized may find their tribe using social media. Social media that’s humorous or distracting can help a stressed teen cope with a challenging day.

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Relationship-building

Some young people use social media to “build their brand” for social, school or business ventures. From reselling clothing or crafts on sites such as Depop or Etsy, to building a following for passion projects, such as car restoration, a social media presence can be a key tool for success.

The bad parts

Highly addictive

Because social media is designed to keep users coming back for more, it can be very addictive to the teenage brain. Adolescence is a period of significant brain development, making teenagers especially vulnerable to the built-in immediate gratification of shares, “likes,” comments and followers — especially since social media is always “on”.

In addition, emerging research suggests that short-form videos, such as those on TikTok and Instagram, are shortening attention spans. This can increase stress levels and interfere with school performance.

Sleep deprivation

According to the Centers for Disease Control, more than 70% of high schoolers don’t get enough sleep. Staying up late scrolling social media can contribute. Adolescents who don’t get enough sleep have a higher risk of obesity, diabetes, injuries, poor mental health and problems with attention and behavior.

Negative self-image and poor mental health

Social media is full of carefully crafted and filtered profiles. The perfect look and life of their favorite influencer can encourage teens and tweens to have unrealistic expectations. This can lead to body image concerns, eating disorders and poor self-esteem. 

Cyberbullying can be even more severe than in-person bullying. Abusive messages or images can be sent anonymously, shielding perpetrators from consequences. Plus, by posting pictures of themselves, teens may unwillingly open themselves up to vicious comments and unwanted shares. Teens may find it hard to escape this form of bullying  since rumors can spread farther, faster and be around for a long time.

In addition, the pressure to stay on top of the latest trends and opportunities can increase stress associated with FOMO (fear of missing out). Research has found that teens who spend more than three hours a day on social media face double the risk of experiencing symptoms of depression and anxiety. 

If your teen is struggling with any of these issues, Telemynd’s* expert therapists and psychiatrists offer help for sleep issues, cyberbullying, poor body image, ADHD, depression and anxiety.

Oversharing and regret

With the teenage brain, it’s common to make a choice before thinking it through. Teens might post something when they’re angry or upset and regret it later. Or share things that they’re not supposed to. This can be embarrassing and bring unwanted attention far beyond their close friend group.

5 ways to keep your teen in the good zone

So how can you try to ensure that your teen stays safe and has more positive experiences on social media? These 5 simple tips can help.

number 1

Talk about it

Check in with your teen about how social media’s working for them right now. Let them share their feelings about the time they spend on Instagram or Snapchat. Ask them what they find interesting and, if possible, suggest activities they could do to support that interest. If you’re concerned that your teens can’t control their social media use, talk about your concerns in a nonjudgmental way. Give your teens a chance to share their perspective on what they think could improve their experience.

number 2

Set a good example

It’s easy to jump on your phone to catch up on things when you get home from work. But remember, your behaviors are a model for your kids. When they’re talking to you, put your phone down. Make it a rule that everyone turns their phone off at mealtime. Be thoughtful about what you share on your own social media accounts and don’t post when you’re angry or upset. Show your kids that they control their social media use, it doesn’t control them.

number 3

Avoid toxicity

Discourage your teens from friending just anyone or engaging with people whose behavior is hurtful, demeaning or toxic. Rather than telling them who to connect with and who to avoid, share your own experiences with friends, both good and bad, to show that you can relate. Do your best to be non-judgmental and empathetic. And let your teens know they can always talk to you if they are worried about social media interactions that can be harmful to themselves or others.

number 4

Urge them to stay grounded

If your teens are seeing things on social media that make them feel like they don’t measure up, point out that not everything they see is real. The opposite is true, too — if they’re racking up likes for their social media persona, remind them that their real self is great, too. Either way, champion the idea of cultivating some screen-free time so they can stay in touch with who they are in real life.

number 5

Set boundaries

Remember, you know your kid best. If social media seems to make them feel worse, not better, about themselves, or you’re concerned about the amount of time they spend online, setting limits as a family could help. RethinkCare’s podcast Screen time, video games and social media can give you some ideas.  

If you or your tween or teen could benefit from some extra support navigating social media, ask for help. Start by learning more about the resources below.

Sources:
U.S. Department of Health and Human Services. Social media and youth mental health.
Mayo Clinic. Teens and social media: what’s the impact?
Centers for Disease Control. Sleep and health.

*Available only on the mainland.

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Self-care tips for dads

Fatherhood brings joy, pride—and sometimes, pressure. Many dads feel they have to do everything well, including excelling at work, being a role model to their kids, providing a safe home, ensuring financial security for their family and staying strong, both physically and mentally. 

When there’s so much focus on the family, it’s easy for dads to leave out caring for themselves. But self-care benefits everyone. Taking care of your own needs first allows you to be more present, loving, and supportive of others. 

If you want to be the best dad, grandpa, uncle, stepdad or big brother you can be, self-care is essential. And that goes beyond basic healthy habits, like eating well, exercising, getting enough sleep and staying hydrated. Get started with the tips below.  Your Costco benefits can also support your efforts with therapy, coaching, digital tools and more.

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6 ways dads can practice self-care

Listen to music.

Music can raise your spirits, as it triggers the release of dopamine, the feel-good hormone. Songs from your youth can do even more. According to Psychology Today, feelings of nostalgia can offer relief from present stress and prevent loneliness. It’s also a good way to connect with your kids — they may roll their eyes at “dad’s music”, but it can become something special between the two of you. Play some Springsteen, Green Day, 90s hip hop or listen to “Thriller” again if it makes you smile.

Have a good laugh.

Laughter cools down your stress response and aids in muscle relaxation. It truly is the “best medicine.” Check out dad jokes on YouTube, rewatch your favorite over-the-top comedy, scroll through SNL sketches. For device-free laughs, talk to a funny friend or try laughter yoga (yes, this really is a thing).

Stay connected.

When you know there are people who support you no matter what you’re going through, it can improve your outlook on your life. Hanging with friends, being part of a dad’s group, or joining a peer-to-peer online support group through Supportiv can relieve stress and give you a sense of belonging and acceptance.

Go outside.

Spending time in the sunshine offers a free hit of serotonin to help improve your mood and boost feelings of happiness and well-being. Take a walk, jump on your bike, or settle down on a comfortable park bench for some mindless people watching. Aim for at least 120 minutes per week.

Pamper yourself.

Give yourself permission to take care of your appearance. Get a haircut if you’d like. Think about getting a pedicure, especially if you’re on your feet all day. Experiment with beard oil. These things can boost your mood and your confidence.

Stretch.

Not only does stretching improve your mobility and flexibility, but it can also increase your body’s level of serotonin, the hormone that reduces stress and stabilizes your mood. Add 5 – 10 minutes of stretching throughout your day for a quick pick-me-up.

Self-care isn’t selfish. By taking care of yourself, you’ll be an even better dad than you already are. Your Costco benefits are here to help.

Sources:
Healthy Dad Hacks. Self-care for dads: what it is, why needed, 14 ideas. 
Psychology Today. The psychological effects of nostalgic music.
Mayo Clinic. Stress relief from laughter? It’s no joke.

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Managing anxiety for kids and teens

Has your child frequently complained about feeling sick to their stomach? Does your teen seem increasingly irritable or withdrawn? Have your kids stopped doing the things they used to enjoy? These may be signs of anxiety.

Anxiety disorders are the most common childhood mental health condition, affecting 1 in 8 children.1 They are also highly treatable with the right care. Read on for information about childhood anxiety and how you can help your child build skills and resilience to manage their symptoms.

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Forms of anxiety

Anxiety is a normal human response to stress, danger or a threat. But if the anxiety persists once the threat is gone or the threat never existed in the first place, it can get in the way of your child being able to live their life. This may indicate that they need help.

Anxiety can show up for kids in a lot of different scenarios, including:

  • Separating from primary caregivers
  • Social situations that can bring up fears of not fitting in or being judged or bullied
  • Worry about grades or doing well enough
  • Fear of failure or the unknown
  • Irrational, unspecified or obsessive fear
  • Worry about germs or contamination

It’s common for kids to feel anxiety on multiple fronts, such as feeling anxious about attending a class for both social and academic reasons.

Signs of anxiety

Since anxiety disorders tend to run in families, they are most likely caused by a combination of genetics and environment. Here are some signs of anxiety that occur within:

Any
age

Trouble sleeping

Low appetite

Excessive worrying or negative thoughts

Irritability 

Constantly looking for reassurance

Younger children

Headaches or stomachaches 

Having accidents at night

Returning to behaviors that they had outgrown (regression) 

Acting out 

Frequent crying 

Being clingy or fidgety 

Touching crotch area (more common in boys) 

School-age children, teens and tweens

Avoiding school and other social settings

Trouble concentrating 

Withdrawing from family and friends 

Not keeping up with personal hygiene 

Angry outbursts 

Physical symptoms: headaches, stomachaches, racing heart, muscle tension, missed periods, sweating or blushing

Short videos are available to help parents understand childhood anxiety. Watch this video for a deeper dive into the symptoms of anxiety and this video to learn more about anxiety in younger kids.

Anxiety and other mental health conditions 

Childhood anxiety often occurs along with a range of mental health conditions, including developmental differences and learning challenges. Here are some that are most common.

Anxiety and panic attacks

A panic attack is a period of intense fear and anxiety that can last minutes or hours. It may be triggered by something stressful, though many are unexpected. Panic attacks most often start in the tween or teen years and can become so severe that the child may be afraid to leave home. Symptoms can include a racing heartbeat, tightness in the chest, lightheadedness, stomach cramps, shaking legs, and fears of losing control or dying.

Anxiety and depression

Depression and anxiety disorders commonly occur together in children, even sharing some symptoms such as trouble sleeping, increased irritability, and withdrawing from friends or activities. In fact, kids who have anxiety as children are more likely to have depression as teens.

Anxiety and ADHD 

About 3 in 10 children with attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) also have an anxiety disorder.2 These conditions can look very much alike in certain circumstances. Some of the symptoms of ADHD can be the same as the symptoms of anxiety. If your child is struggling, a counselor or therapist can determine how best to support your child.

What you can do

If you’re a parent or caregiver, your child’s health and well-being couldn’t be more important. Following these steps when your child’s anxiety is interfering with their normal activities can be life changing for your child and your family. 

number 1

Have calm, open conversations.

Approach conversations when your child is anxious  with empathy, compassion and honesty. It’s important to be patient as you help your child navigate solutions. Try to:

  • Validate their feelings. Let them know it’s okay to feel stressed out, worried or afraid.  
  • Model coping. Talk them through your own experiences with anxiety. For example, if talking to a neighbor made you feel anxious, let your kids know how you feel and how you’re planning to cope, maybe by drinking a glass of water and taking a walk around the block. 
  • Avoid blanket reassurances. Saying “that’s not going to happen” isn’t necessarily true. Instead, let your child know you have confidence that they can handle what they fear. 
  • Encourage your kids to give anxiety a name. Anything from Bob to Voldemort. Doing so helps create space between them and what they’re feeling. And it can make anxiety easier to talk about. Another tip: Instead of saying, “I am anxious,” reframe it as, “I’m feeling anxious.” This helps reinforce that the feeling is temporary. And it’s not a part of their identity.
number 2

Help them face their fears.

If kids have anxiety about something, they tend to avoid it. That’s true even for adults, who may find it hard to do tasks that are intimidating or overwhelming. Avoiding a task can keep kids safe in the moment, but it also reinforces the idea that they can’t do it, or they can’t tolerate their anxiety.  

While it’s natural to want to swoop in and rescue your child when they’re in distress, making a plan to approach the things that they’re afraid of will be beneficial in the long run. Over time, their anxiety will be lowered because their new learning will make them more resilient. It will reinforce the fact that they can do hard things. 

number 3

Seek professional help.

One of the best ways to treat anxiety is with counseling. Your Costco benefits offer several resources to help you help your child.

  • Telemynd* can provide quick access to therapists and medication management for children ages 5+, teens and adults if you’re enrolled in an Aetna® medical plan. Worry and anxiety are the top reasons Costco employees pursue therapy with their child.  
  • Talkspace, a program from Resources for Living, is an on-demand video chat- and text-based therapy program, available 24/7 to teens age 13+ and adults. The first six sessions are free to all Costco employees, their household members and dependent children up to age 26.

*Available only on the mainland.
**Not available in Puerto Rico.

1National Library of Medicine. Anxiety in children.
2ADDitude. Which came first: the anxiety or the ADHD?

Sources:
WebMD. Recognizing childhood depression and anxiety.
American Academy of Child & Adolescent Psychiatry. Panic disorder in children and adolescents.
The Baker Center for Children and Families. Helpful tips for parenting anxious kids and talking about anxiety.

Check out the resources below to get the support your family needs — much of it at no cost to you.

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The “default parent syndrome” and other parenting challenges

Parenthood can be a bumpy ride. Filled with ups, downs, twists, turns and heart-swelling joy, it’s a journey that requires unwavering resilience from whomever decides to take it.  

But how do you build the strength to overcome and bounce back from obstacles day in and day out? Let’s explore how you can successfully navigate some of the challenges you face with the help of your Costco benefits.

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The “default parent syndrome”

The default parent is the one in a two-parent household who’s first in line when it comes to caring for children and home-related responsibilities.

In the past, it was typical for one parent to stay at home with the children while the other parent went to work. Today, despite most households having two working parents, one parent still often carries the bigger load in parenting — helping with school projects, signing permission slips, managing doctor’s appointments, maintaining the activities schedule, and the list goes on.

But no matter which parent is the default parent, the role can feel overwhelming and exhausting when family demands and stress exceed your resources. Social media users have created a name for it: the default parent syndrome. 

The consequences of the default parent syndrome can be rough on the whole family. The default parent may experience chronic fatigue, feelings of resentment toward their partner and a decline in mental health. The non-default parent can feel disconnected from the default parent. The quality of the relationship between each parent and their children can also suffer.  

But with patience and collaboration, you can overcome the negative effects of the default parent syndrome. Strategies such as effective communication between partners, shared problem-solving and counseling can all help.

Resources for Living offers tools and support for families and relationships, including six free counseling sessions per person, per year. You can also get expert advice on how to overcome parental burnout and work together as parents from RethinkCare. Check out their free webinar How to enjoy parenting from an empty tank.

If you sign up for RethinkCare, you can register for monthly parent discussion groups to help you navigate parenting challenges. Choose the session that fits your schedule and the age of your child. This month’s topic is “Finding the Joy in Chaos”. 

Finding time for you 

Let’s be honest. Most parents don’t have a choice when it comes to navigating whatever life throws at them. Making sure your kids are safe, healthy and loved while you’re holding down a job, driving your kids to and from activities, and so much more takes work and immense strength. But it’s important to remember that you don’t have endless energy, no matter how much you love your children. 

Committing to self-care can help keep you physically, emotionally and mentally healthy so that you can be the best parent you can be. Explore what lifts you up, such as running, talking with friends or crafting, and make time to do it. Focus on what you can do — a 10-minute walk — versus what you should do — a long hike in the woods. And celebrate every achievement, no matter how small.  

Remember, self-care is not selfish. When you work on your own resiliency, you’re helping your children by modeling essential skills, including problem-solving, setting goals and self-advocacy. It’s these skills that will help them face and overcome challenges in their own life with grace and strength.

Growing your family?

The decision to bring a child, or another child, into your life can trigger concerns about health for mom and baby, including mental health for moms who may experience postpartum depression. Sometimes, just getting pregnant can be difficult or stressful — nearly 15% of couples struggle with infertility.1 Addressing your concerns is essential to moving forward with your family plan.

The Aetna Maternity Program* offers education and answers for every stage of pregnancy. Once enrolled, you’ll get access to resources and expert guidance and support from specially trained nurses on topics such as: 

  • Prenatal care 
  • Lowering your risk for early labor 
  • Fertility  
  • Mental health and postpartum depression  
  • And more 

You can also access the online Maternity Support Center on your member website at Aetna.com for additional help.

*Available only on the mainland.

1National Institute of Child Health and Human Development. How common is infertility?

Sources:
Psychology Today. The default parent syndrome: more than just a TikTok trend.
NUK. A trait every mom shares: resiliency.

If you’re a mom, dad, or mom-to-be, check out these resources to help you build your inner strength.

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How to give your brain the rest it needs

It’s common to think of rest as taking a nap or relaxing on the couch in front of the TV. But true rest, according to experts, isn’t an entirely passive experience.  

“The most restorative kinds of rest — the things that recharge our mental and physical batteries most effectively — are the things that are active,” says Alex Soojung-Kim Pang, author of the book Rest: Why You Get More Done When You Work Less. “Going for a long walk or working out can give us more rather than less energy and leave us feeling more mentally rewarded.”

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Your brain at rest

The advocacy for more rest is backed by science. When researchers began mapping brain activity, they were surprised to learn that the resting brain is still an active brain.

Shifting attention from a task that requires concentration to daydreaming or reflection (something needing less active mental focus) activates the brain’s default mode network, or DMN. While there’s still much to be learned about this network, the DMN is believed to be involved in a variety of cognitive functions, including creative thinking.

Rest takes practice

Many of us are constantly fishing for relaxation, throwing our efforts behind every task on the to-do list, hoping that we’ll eventually cross the last one off and be able to unwind. We may feel like we don’t have room for rest on the list. But endless effort without rest can lead to burnout. 

Luckily, rest is something you can practice and improve. 

“Rest is something that we can learn to do better,” says Pang. He suggests developing a daily practice that allows rest to be a bigger part of your life rather than something you do at the end of the day. Check out the tips below to start getting the restorative rest you need.

7 ways to build your rest habit

number 1

Focus on active rest

Active rest means disconnecting from a focused task and getting active. Even if it tires you, it still counts as rest for your brain. “The long walk while listening to a podcast may deliver more of a recharge and reset than being on the sofa watching ‘The Great British Bake Off,’” Pang says.

number 2

Get a hobby.

Turning your attention to a hobby — painting, drumming, ceramics, bird- watching — is also a form of rest. Having a serious hobby that you’re excited about also promotes the release of dopamine, the “feel good” hormone in your brain.

number 3

Make a “today” list.

To-do lists are often packed with endless tasks, and just looking at them can be exhausting and demoralizing. Robert Poynton, author of the book Do Pause: You Are Not a To Do List, suggests making a “today” list with just the essential tasks you can reasonably complete today, such as doing laundry, making dinner and paying your utility bill. Once you’ve done the today list, then you can create time for rest.

For other items on your to-do list, try Worklife from Resources for Living. This program can help you find resources for everyday life, including child care, pet sitters, housecleaners  and more.

number 4

Practice “micro” pauses.

Microbreaks have been shown to boost energy and reduce fatigue. Try doing a stretching exercise before you start your workday. Take three deep breaths at stoplights. Do something active, such as taking the stairs, to get your heart rate up for 90 seconds. Find what works for you.

number 5

Take tech breaks.

Our brains spend a surprising amount of energy preparing for the arrival of the next text, notification, “like” or email. Taking a break from electronic devices can provide relief from the stress of constant connection. Shutting down laptops and phones for a half an hour or more can allow the brain to rest.

number 7

Track where your time goes.

Many people don’t really know how they spend their time. Celeste Headlee, author of the book Do Nothing: How to Break Away from Overworking, Overdoing, and Underliving, suggests jotting down what you’ve been doing every half hour. After a week or two, clear patterns will emerge. Once you identify how many potentially free hours a day you could have, plan for how you want to use this uncommitted time.

number 7

Take regular vacations.

Research suggests the benefits of taking time off peak around the eighth day and that much of a vacation’s or staycation’s mental health benefit comes from the days leading up to it. Take time away from work when you can to give your brain a rest. A few days away may be all you need.

Sources:
The Washington Post. Your brain needs more rest than you’re giving it
Fortune. The science behind why you need a hobby to boost your brain health and self-esteem.
Cleveland Clinic. How to do a digital detox for less stress, more focus.

Get the rest you need for your brain, body and overall well-being. Your Costco benefits can help. 

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Get the facts

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GET THE FACTS

Video: Menopause support

You may already know that menopause is a normal, natural part of aging for women that typically occurs between the ages of 45 and 55. But did you know that symptoms can start when a woman is in her 30s? Perimenopause, the stage before menopause, can last a decade or more. Many of the symptoms are physical, such as hot flashes, sleep issues, hair loss or weight gain. But emotional symptoms are common too, such as difficulty concentrating, mood changes, anxiety and even depression.

Learn a bit about what to expect with this short video What is menopause? Then check out your Costco benefits for support throughout your menopause journey.  

If you’re enrolled in an Aetna® medical plan, you can access virtual menopause care through Gennev.* And for pelvic pain, strengthening the pelvic floor or other pelvic health issues, get relief with virtual physical therapy through Omada Pelvic Health, offered to employees and dependents enrolled in a Costco medical plan.

Don’t miss the Resources for Living Here4U® perimenopause/menopause virtual peer support group. Led by a licensed clinician, these sessions are an opportunity to listen in, ask questions and connect with other women going through this experience.

Tuesday, May 21, 10 a.m. PT
Register here

Thursday, May 23, 3 p.m. PT
Register here

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*Available on the mainland only. 

Sources:
National Institute on Aging. What is menopause? 

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Get help

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GET HELP

When your financial situation feels hopeless

In the classic Christmas movie It’s a Wonderful Life, George Bailey falls into despair after experiencing a financial catastrophe. He feels like his only way out is to take his own life. Sadly, this isn’t something that just happens in movies. People experiencing financial hardship are 20 times more likely to attempt suicide than those who don’t experience financial hardship.1

While Clarence, the angel who rescues George, is fictional, there is real-life help for people struggling with financial stress. Your Costco benefits are always there with free coaching, free counseling and in-the-moment mental health support to help you carve out a path to financial stability. 

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Money worries are a common problem

In a recent Bankrate survey, 52% of adults said that money has a negative impact on their mental health at least occasionally. Among those impacted by money worries, almost one-third worry every single day.  

A big part of those worries is debt. Life has become increasingly hard to afford, leading the average American to be over $52,000 in debt. Economic factors, student loans and increasing costs for housing, childcare, and even day-to-day expenses may set people up to spend more than they earn. These elements can combine to leave people fearing that they’ll never be able to pay off their debts. 

Help is here

If you’re having financial challenges, you’re not alone in your struggle. There is help and hope. The best thing to do is take a two-tiered approach. Get help to address both the financial stressors and the impact these stressors have on your mental health. 

Seek emotional health counseling 

If you feel like you’re facing a financial crisis, working with a trained mental health clinician can help you learn ways to reduce those overwhelming thoughts. Resources For Living (RFL), your Employee Assistance Program, offers six free counseling sessions you can use to help with anxiety about your financial situation and discover coping strategies to regain hope and control.

You can also take advantage of RFL’s free financial resources, including 30-minute consultations on topics such as: 

  • Credit and debt  
  • Financial planning 
  • Tax planning 
  • And more 

Reaching out is not a sign of weakness and doesn’t mean you’ve failed as a provider, a parent or a spouse, or failed to live independently. Rather, it means that you’re able to recognize that your financial situation is putting you under stress and that you want to address it.

Seek financial coaching 

A financial coach can help you strategize options or solutions going forward. Your coach will work with you to tackle your finances one step at a time. Together, you’ll create a personalized plan to improve your finances and relieve your stress.

You can get free, one-on-one financial coaching with SmartDollar®. During your video calls, your coach can help guide you on how to:

  • Pay off debt faster 
  • Create a personalized money plan 
  • Save for education expenses and retirement 
  • Get on the same page with your partner 
  • Feel more peace of mind

Schedule as many sessions as you’d like. And feel free to keep your camera off during your calls— your comfort and privacy matter.

A risk factor for suicide 

While many people are very aware of the negative impact of financial stress, few know that financial hardship is a major risk factor for suicide. Stress over debt or difficulty in making ends meet can increase anxiety, distress and depression levels — all of which can put someone at risk for suicidal thoughts. Mental health conditions can also make it difficult to recover from financial stress. It’s a loop that can be hard to get out of. 

If you or someone you know is having suicidal thoughts due to debt stress, money hardships, or any reason, seek emergency help. Call or text the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline at 988 or go to your nearest emergency department. Also call someone you trust – a friend, family member, coworker or clergy person.

1American Journal of Epidemiology. Financial strain and suicide attempts in a nationally representative sample of US adults.
2 Health.com. Financial stress is a leading catalyst for suicide — here’s how you can find help.

Sources:
Ramsey Solutions. Average American debt.
Bankrate. 7 ways to manage financial stress during trying times.
Forbes. The silent strain: How debt takes a toll on mental health

Getting yourself to a place of financial peace takes patience, persistence and a lot of support. The following resources can be essential in helping you get there.

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Take action

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TAKE ACTION

Savings dos and don’ts

Saving money not only feels good, it also gives you more control and opportunities throughout your life. With savings in the bank, you can more easily meet life goals, such as taking a big vacation, upgrading your home, or funding a child’s education.  

And here’s the good news: Saving money is not as hard as it may seem. With some thought, planning and a little discipline, you can make small changes that can make a big difference.  

Check out the ideas below for inspiration. And don’t forget to use your Costco benefits to help you reach your savings goals. 

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Do automate your savings. 

By setting up monthly automatic transfers from your checking account to your savings account, your money will build without any extra work on your part. Even if it’s just $25 a month, it will add up fast. Consider naming your savings account or accounts to match your savings dreams or goals, such as “vacation fund,” “emergency fund” or  “down payment.”

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Do take advantage of reimbursement accounts.*

Are your children in afterschool care? Do you need a dental crown replaced? Could your elderly parents use some in-home help? You can set aside pretax dollars for these expenses — and save money on taxes — with a reimbursement account administered by Inspira Financial (formerly PayFlex).

Enroll in a Health Care Reimbursement Account (HCRA) and/or a Dependent Care Assistance Plan (DCAP) during Annual Enrollment in November. You can also enroll in DCAP during the year if your childcare needs change. 

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Do teach your kids how money works. 

Kids can and should develop good money habits at an early age. You can help by teaching them the connection between work and money and encouraging them to have short- and long-term savings goals. Younger children can watch their savings grow in a clear savings jar. Tweens and teens can be given more responsibility by using a banking app on their phone to follow their savings progress or make transfers from checking to savings.

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Do start small.

It’s often easier to save if you start with a short-term goal. For example, committing to saving $20 a month for six months is more attainable than setting a goal to save $300 per month for a year. Once you reach your short-term goal, you’ll have created a habit of saving that can motivate you to keep going.

Don’t forget to monitor your autopay accounts.

Using autopay for gym memberships, streaming subscriptions and other services is a common practice. But this convenient way of paying also has its costs. In a recent survey, 42% of those polled continued to pay for subscriptions they no longer used.1 If you use autopay, make sure to regularly review what you’ve signed up for so you can cancel services you’re not using.

Don’t put off saving for your retirement.

Even saving a few dollars per paycheck for retirement can help you have a more secure financial future. The younger you start, the better, since you earn interest every year on both the money you save and the interest you earn along the way. For example, the chart below, provided by T. Rowe Price, shows the substantial impact that delaying your retirement contributions for ten years can have on the total amount you have available when you retire.

A bar chart about a person contributing $125/week for 45 years has more than double the retirement savings of a person contributing $125/a week for 35 years.
The chart is for illustrative purposes only and is not meant to represent the performance of any specific investment option. Final account balances are rounded to the nearest thousand. Assumes $125 invested each week in a tax-deferred account and a 7% annual rate of return for a hypothetical investor from age 20 to age 65. All investments involve risk, including possible loss of principal.

Costco’s retirement plan through T. Rowe Price makes it easy to save with automatic enrollment. You can choose a percentage of your pre-tax income to contribute. Costco makes contributions to your retirement plan even if you don’t contribute yourself.

Don’t skimp on preventive care.

Medical and dental conditions have better outcomes — and are less expensive to treat — when detected early. Make sure to get your annual physical exams, dental cleanings, vaccines and recommended screenings. Preventive care is free when you use an in-network provider.

Don’t go it alone.

We all have something to learn about improving how we manage our money. A SmartDollar® financial coach meets you where you are financially to help you make the changes necessary to reach your savings goals. You can start these free one-on-one sessions at any time and sign up for as many as you want. Spanish-speaking coaches are also available.

*Not available in Puerto Rico. 

Sources:
NerdWallet. How to save money now (before you really need it).
Americasaves.org. 54 ways to save money.
Ramsey Solutions. What is a financial coach?
Ramsey Solutions. 15 ways to teach kids about money.